Leverage Storytelling to Improve Belonging and Other Actions for Allies

Each week, Karen Catlin shares five simple actions to create a more inclusive workplace and be a better ally.

Better Allies®
The Startup
5 min readJan 29, 2021

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Person leaning against a desk, explaining their story, represented by flash cards, one with an image, one with an outline
Illustration by Katerina Limpitsouni of unDraw

1. Leverage storytelling to improve belonging

This question in a recent Fortune raceAhead newsletter by Ellen McGirtis giving me pause.

“Of all those high performing, blended-right-in ‘diverse’ employees you are so proud of, whose truth have you not yet heard?”

McGirt explored the significance of belonging in the workplace. She wrote, “It has become the ultimate quest for anyone looking to build an inclusive culture and yet, its very nature is elusive.”
That said, it could have a simple starting point.

Dr. Brené Brown lays it out for us in a brief CBS This Morning clip:

“The opposite of belonging, from the research, is fitting in. Fitting in is assessing and acclimating…Belonging is belonging to yourself, first. Speaking your truth, telling your story.”

Allies, now it’s time to reflect on your coworkers from underrepresented groups. Have you heard their truth? Their story? Do you know if they are covering or adjusting some aspect of themselves to fit in?

If not, I recommend an approach I learned from my partner Tim: Storytelling. When he was VP of Engineering at Change.org, the company embraced the power of storytelling to build a sense of belonging across their worldwide teams.

“For starters, we would encourage storytelling at team meals or gatherings. Initially, giving people a choice about what story they wanted to tell (how they chose this profession, how they met their significant other, who or what influenced them most in their life) then moving on to telling their own personal story (this was hard for everyone). But this led to a different level of compassion, empathy and understanding of each person. We did this in small groups and then worked our way up to talking to the whole company.”

I hope you can do the same. Start with the small stories. Offer a few prompts that people can choose from. Encourage everyone on your team to share something. Over time, build storytelling muscle into something that fuels belonging. You’ve got this.

2. Avoid “untitling” women (and others, too)

In an article for Fast Company, Amy Diehl, PhD, and Leanne Dzubinski, PhD shine a spotlight on the demeaning practice of not using a woman’s title:

“Omitting titles for women while using them for men diminishes women’s perceived authority and credibility. Until now there has been no name to describe this phenomenon, making it difficult to draw attention to the problem and nearly impossible to search the internet for information. We propose a new term for this behavior: untitling.”

Want some examples of untitling? The article has a boatload. Politicians who call women members of Congress by nicknames or first names while using titles and last names for men of equal stature. Academic conference organizers who introduce women by their first names yet refer to men as “Professor Last Name.” A Wall Street Journal op-ed that suggested Dr. Jill Biden drop the “Dr.”

Here’s one that I remember seeing on Twitter last year. A photo of two thank-you notes from a medical equipment salesperson to two orthopedic doctors. The salutation on the woman’s letter is “Hi (first name),” while the man’s starts with a more formal “Dr. (last name).”

Allies, if we see someone “untitling” another person, let’s speak up with a comment such as, “Let’s hear more about what Dr. ______ thinks.”

3. Address these internal barriers to hiring from underrepresented groups

In Diversity Recruiting Efforts Won’t Significantly Improve Until We Address These 2 Barriers, John Vlastelica shared some quotes that I bet you’ve heard some variation of:

  • “Listen, I support diversity, but I gotta get this sales position filled asap — it’s killing me to have this territory uncovered.” — Sales Hiring Manager
  • “I appreciate the value of diversity, really, but we’ve had years of success hiring against this profile. We know that people from [brand company, pedigreed school] do better here — they’re predictably good hires, and ramp up quickly.” — Engineering Hiring Manager

I get it. In hiring, there’s a need for speed coupled with a whole lot of pattern matching. Yet, they can become barriers to diversifying a workforce. Vlastelica goes on to share some ideas for mitigating both:

  • Talk about diversity with hiring managers before they open a req
  • Track quality and diversity metrics, not how long it takes to fill positions
  • Move away from requiring consensus in hiring decisions

If you’re in a position to make any of these changes, read Vlastelica’s full article. It will inspire you to take action.

(I learned about this article from the Aleria weekly newsletter. Thank you.)

4. Remove gendered language from your templates

The global law firm Clifford Chance announced that it’s removing gendered language in its legal templates to:

  • promote gender equality;
  • challenge unconscious assumptions about gender roles; and
  • recognize that not everyone identifies as male or female, and some people are non-binary/non-gendered.

Terms like “Sir,” “Chairman,” and “he” will be replaced with neutral terms such as “Colleague,” “Counsel,” and “they.”

Now, take a look at any templates your organization has for internal or client-facing communications. Search for words like “man” or “he” or “him.” Then consider using this guide (also used by Clifford Chance) to advocate for change.

(Thanks to Bernadette Smith, who shared this announcement in her weekly Equality Institute newsletter.)

5. Give feedback by focusing on behavior versus adjectives

As you may remember, last week’s newsletter was focused on giving feedback equitably to help close the divide in workplaces. Since publishing it, I’ve heard from subscribers with additional suggestions for providing feedback. (You know who you are. Thank you!) The overall theme was to base feedback on fact versus opinion.

Anna Maria Pellizzari, a Learning & Development Program Manager at Twitch, shared the following:

“Instead of describing someone as ‘brilliant/genius/kind,’ name specific behaviors or actions you observed. … This keeps the feedback objective rather than subjective, and in turn helps avoid bias. Keeping feedback behavior-focused also lends to it being actionable, as it delineates for the receiver what actions they should continue or stop doing. (Check out the Situation-Behavior-Impact Feedback Modeldeveloped by the Center for Creative Leadership for more on how to give objective, actionable feedback.)”

Pellizzari gave this example to illustrate the difference:

  • “Sue is aggressive.” (use of adjective)
  • “In yesterday’s team meeting, Sue interrupted Jamal 3 times; as a result, the team did not get to hear Jamal elaborate on his ideas.” (use of specific, observable behavior and resulting impact)

As Pellizzari pointed out to me, this approach works for constructive as well as positive feedback. I love it.

That’s all for this week. I wish you strength and safety as we all move forward,

— Karen Catlin, Founder and Author of Better Allies®

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Better Allies®
The Startup

Everyday actions to create more inclusive, engaging workplaces: the Better Allies® approach from Karen Catlin.