Living at Home: A ‘Horrific’ Tale
“So… you live at home with your folks?”
“Don’t you want your own space?”
“Don’t you think you’re a little too old to be living at home with your parents?”
“I think your parents would appreciate you moving out and doing your own thing.”
“What about if you wanna have a date over? Gotta ask your mommy for permission?”
“You’re an adult now, I think it’s time you actually go out and do your own thing, ya know?”
“Why do you still live at home?”
Now, I’m sure for some of you, as you read those opening statements you either rolled your eyes, got a chill down your spine, or even recalled saying something similar to someone. And for those of you who have never been made familiar with similar statements, you’re probably arching your brow, curious as to where I’m going with this.
Don’t worry, I’ll explain. (Surprise, surprise.)
At this point in time (and for the foreseeable future at the pace things are going), I live with my mom and stepfather. I am 19 years old and am currently unemployed but looking. Now, ever since I was a little kid, I always imagined I’d be out at 18. Not because my mom ever made me feel like I had to move out or because I ever felt pressured by anyone, nothing like that. But, ya know, I imagined myself going to college for four years, graduating, and magically having a job fall onto my lap along with all the money I could ever want to lavish on a home of my own.
Of course, then I grew older and realized what a dumbass I was. (Pardon my french.)
Here I am years later, not in college and still with my mom at 19. I’m sure younger me would be appalled. (I was always quite overdramatic, believe it or not.) And I don’t even fully know why I was so determined to move out at a young age. I wonder if it was the same reason as all of the other kids? To be able to do whatever I wanted, go wherever I wanted, eat whatever I wanted, and not have to listen to my mom.
That was the angsty child mindset, right? Move out so you can do whatever you wanted?
Hmm, that doesn’t fit for me, though. My mom was always the best, spoiled me 100% and always did whatever she could to make me happy. So, unlike a lot of my fellow kids, I never really wanted for anything in my life. At least not for long. My mom was my very own fairy godmother, popping up in my times of need (no matter how small said need may indeed be.) and not expecting anything more than for me to be a good kid. (Which I always was, I’ll have you know!)
So, I didn’t want to leave because I was somehow lacking something. So, why then? Well, I have a theory: I thought it was what I was supposed to do.
Back when I was a little kid, the idea of adults still living with their parents was unheard of to me. So, perhaps in my both ‘too smart for my own good’ and ‘still a kid though’ brain, I thought I had no choice but to leave. I would go off to college, stay on campus, and by the time I graduated I would magically have enough money to live on my own.
Of course, then I grew older and realized things weren’t as peachy keen as I thought things were.
For example, me deciding to not go to college. Left a pretty big gaping hole in younger me’s plan, huh? Plus, as I got older I got exposed more to the internet and the overall world around me and I realized that living at home with your parents… wasn’t a big deal.
There are plenty of adults — even in their late twenties to early thirties — living at home with their parents. Whether they’ve lived at home since they graduated high school/college or they had to move back in for whatever reason — regardless, having to return home to your parents or not leaving is all okay. You gotta do what you gotta do and everyone has their own reasons.
Some people live with their parents while they’re in college. They don’t wanna live on campus so they live with their parents and just go back and forth, not having to worry about paying rent or having to pay very little if they have a job of some sort. (Which, if you’re in college? You may not have the time to do so.)
Some people left home at 18 or 19 and lived on their own for however long and whether it be because things went south with their job or with their landlord, they ended up having to return home while they figure their stuff out. And who knows how long that’d take?
Some people stay with their parents after they graduate high-school while they look for jobs so that they can get off their feet and be able to actually see how much they make and gauge what they can and can’t afford.
(It’s really easy to see an apartment for $750 a month and think you can afford it. Sure, maybe you can afford to pay rent. But, then you gotta look at your phone bill, internet bill, any subscriptions you have, the price of your groceries, gas, insurance, etc. and those things add up. So, it can be a good idea to work for a few months and see how much you consistently make each month and maybe make a mock budget for yourself to see what you have to work with. Because if you do all the calculations and see that you can pay all of that stuff off but are left with $12 at the end of the month, something needs to change and you should either look at your spending habits, the rent you thought you could afford, or at the job you currently have. Ahem, big sis Diamond is finished rambling now.)
Some people stay with their parents after they graduate high-school while they look for a job and stack up money. Very similar to the last point but another point of it is saving money. Putting money up so that you have a nest egg prepared for any situation when you finally decide to leave. That’s what I’m doing, by the way. My goal is to save up a year’s worth of rent based on the average I’ve seen for apartments in my area. That way, should something happen with my job, for example, I can still pay my rent and have a roof over my head. (Something my mom has always said to be the most important thing. Pay your rent before anything else.)
Of course, I would also be creating that mock budget so I can see how much I spend per month. (Spoiler alert, I’ve made it a goal to not spend more than $100 a month on personal stuff. Whether that be Starbucks, dinner with the boyfriend, online shopping, etc. Groceries and bills are separate things, of course. And you may think $100 a month is pretty low and you would be correct. But, this is also a rough beginning estimate as I’ve never had a stable long term job yet so I don’t even know how much I’d make causing the monthly budget to go up or down. This is more of a… placeholder, so to speak!)
So, as I’ve said, people have their own reasons for doing things. But, that doesn’t stop people from judging. Luckily, at 19, I haven’t run into a lot of people who have been judgey about me still living at home. Mostly because most of the people I talk to regularly (All 3 of them.) are my age or in college so they have no room to talk as they are in similar boats to mine or can’t speak on it.
However, I have seen plenty of people get judged for staying at home. 24 years olds online getting judged for still being at home with their parents. I find it annoying, to say the least, and I always have. I’ve always been a big believer in ‘Mind your business’ so seeing crap like that now? Oh boy does it annoy me.
But, to be fair, a lot of things annoy me.
So, living at home? Oh boy does it have a bad rep. (Although, as it’s entered more into the mainstream to the point where ‘living with parents’ is even an option on some dating apps of all things, it’s become a more wildly accepted thing.) But, as someone who is living at home and probably will for a few more years with how things are looking, I am happy to see it become more socially accepted.
Of course, there will still be problems romance-wise as someone not wanting to date someone else who is living at home with their parents is probably always gonna be a thing. But, even that part of it has been evolving over the last couple of years to be more acceptable.
To me? Living at home is a perfectly acceptable way to do things. You can save money, figure out what you wanna do with your life (or at least figure out how to get a job period, ahem.), and not have to worry about bills and being forced to hold onto a job all for the sake of being able to pay your bills.
So, what was this blog post even for? No real reason. I just wanted to make sure it was clear that things aren’t always just so surface level. And that you shouldn’t feel ashamed for living with your parents. Somebody tries to judge you and make you feel weird about it? Screw ’em. At least you don’t have to worry about losing the roof over your head and being forced to live off of cup ramen and hot pockets just to be able to pay your bills all for the sake of owning your own place.
Now, if you got kicked out of your parent’s house at 18 or as soon as you graduate? I’m very sorry and my heart goes out to you. A parent should never kick out their kid when they know damn well they can’t take care of themselves nor have the means to. So, you have my deepest sympathies and I’m sorry you were forced to grow up when you weren’t ready.
However, if you want to move out and can actually afford it straight out of high school or college? That’s awesome, I’m really happy for you! But, don’t shame someone else for doing what they gotta do and for making smart financial decisions.
That’s all I’m saying!
