Medium Addiction Is More Common Than You Think
Luckily There’s a 12-step program to help you defeat your problem
You tell yourself you can stop whenever you want, yet still you hit the refresh button on the stats page again and again in a hellish loop.
What was that quote about insanity being the act of doing the same thing and expecting a different result?
NO DON’T LOOK UP AN ARTICLE ON MEDIUM TO FIND OUT! Jesus Christ, there’s Google.
No need to cry. A lot of people are addicted to Medium. Particularly writers like yourself. Your friends and family are worried, that’s why they called me to help. Together we’ll get you through the following 12-step program and on the road to recovery.
Admit you have a problem.
Resist the impulse to write about your addiction and subsequent feelings on a post. Yes someone else did a similar post, but that’s not important right now. If another writer wrote about jumping off a bridge would you then go jump and reflect on jumping off a bridge? It doesn’t matter that you’d put your own spin on it, you are missing the point.
Put a safety lock on the website. The security question should be something to shame you. For example, “Are you just going to read?”
Assign times of day where the Medium stats page is off limits. Your bosses are not pleased that you spend more time promoting your Medium writing to clients than taking calls.
Don’t post your links (even friend links) on facebook groups more than once a day. Even that friend who keeps inviting everyone to Mary Kay parties thinks it’s a tacky. And you are BETTER than that friend.
Only download Unsplash photos when you need them. Stocking up on photos of insanely happy, pretty women is weird. Also that folder titled, “Women who are most likely to be murdered” is just asking for trouble in a future investigation.
Take the time to read and comment on stories purely to support other writers without expecting them to clap back. You are now probably feeling a familiar high after hitting “publish” on some comments. Particularly since Medium counts it as a story. Now that you are thinking of stories, I know you are thinking of your stats. Remember, you set specific times you are allowed to check.
Oh, that looks like it hurt. Sorry about that. But I did warn you that was what the shock collar was intended for.
Part of the reason why you are feeling like everything is undone is because your draft folder is filled to the brim with posts going nowhere. That one is just a title and a stock photo! You have to go through and delete drafts that have no meaning to you anymore. Ones that are so old and disjointed, that you have no idea what they were supposed to be.
Some of these drafts aren’t bringing you joy…let them go.
Now take actually empty your trash bin, I can see you were faking.
Go out on an excursion purely for the experience. Do not dwell on how you can turn said outing into a heart-wrenching story on the power of beating your demons. If something inspires you, take a note, but do not write an entire draft.
In the morning, take a shower, have some coffee, say hello to your partner…do SOMETHING besides immediately reach for your phone and see what notifications you have (or don’t have).
If you’ve held out long enough then it’s time for pay day. To prove you are no longer addicted to Medium you need to go to sleep instead of waiting around to see what you earned. Think of it like a perverse version of Christmas morning. You’ll wake up to what you really wanted or disappointing socks. Either way, you’ll be thankful.
Congratulations! You’ve completed the 12-step program! I’ll see you soon though, as relapses are common.