No, I don’t know what I’m doing
I realised I’m on my own path not someone else’s…
“Oh, that’s what you’re going to do! Are you sure?”
I say yes because I desperately want people to know that I am 100% confident in what I’m doing. The idea of being unsure is definitely a weakness in eyes of every eagle-eyed judgmental acquaintance.
The real answer should be: no, I have no clue what I’m doing…
I’ve made a lot of what are considered untraditional choices in the eyes of some of my family, friends and acquaintances.
I have had people tell me without any hint of humour that pursuing your passion isn’t a good idea and most people just have to settle for a regular job so what’s wrong with that?
When I graduated with pretty much straight As even in Math, it was expected that I would probably go into medicine or something more ‘professional’. When I picked journalism and creative writing, it was implied through conversations with certain people in my life that I had wasted my intelligence.
Why would a smart kid choose to do art?
No one knows what they’re doing
Ryan Cunningham talks about this fact in his own article. He makes a valid point that every time you experience something new, it’s usually your first time experiencing it. Your first experience of a job will be your first encounter with that moment. Just because your sister has been to university before you and explains all the potential issues, it doesn’t make your experience any less new.
When you’re in your own world and watching everyone else live their own lives like elegant swans, you can start to feel like an ugly duckling. Why does nothing work for you? Why is everyone so much more lucky than you? I get it. Until recently, I felt the same then I realised that the way I viewed other successful people was how some people viewed me. Some people were looking at me as if I had lucked out! My mind was blown when I realised this!
Joni Edelman tells Ravishly why even the most normal people are lost. On the surface you may look like the greatest mother, or best entrepreneur, or even an amazing performer, it doesn’t mean that you actually know what you’re doing. It’s true that we often think that confident people who ‘have it altogether’ seem like they have never done anything wrong.
When we’re young, we think that everything happens on a straight line: we grow up, get a job, get married, have kids, retire and live out your retirement in comfort surrounded by your family… It’s not how it works.
Life is more of a looping zigzag with overlaps, steps backwards and abrupt restarts.
We expect things to happen simply but life is never simple or straightforward. People who have an easy life are either very VERY rich or very VERY ignorant of the world around them. Life is a complicated mess that pretends to have some sort of organisation. There’s the basic timeline of birth, growth, age then it comes to an end; everything else is just a disorganised set of milestones and things that don’t really matter.
Own it
As mentioned previously, you’re the only person living your life. You are the only person who is experiencing your first time at camp, or university. No one else is experiencing your first experience.
I don’t know what I’m doing but I know I am following my instincts. I know if I trust in my gut to point me in the right direction then I know I will be on the right track. It sounds silly but I know if my instinct is telling me not to do something then I shouldn’t be doing it.
It’s helped me make some good decisions this far because I know if I had done what everyone expected of me and went to medical school, I would probably be a doctor by now and not a good one.
I’ve learned since graduating university that just because you could do something that it doesn’t mean you should. If someone else feels you should do something, it doesn’t mean you could. Your ability to do something is not simply down to your skillset or intelligence, it’s about how it sits with you as a person.
If the idea of having kids makes you want to tear your hair out, then don’t have kids.
Tuning into your gut can be hard especially if you’ve ignored it for years. The best way to tune back in is probably through meditation, self-reflection and journaling. Getting to know yourself is the only to understand what is and isn’t for you.
The only person living your life is you so just listen to your gut from now on. Please.
