Relationships: The Paint to Our Brush

Man is a social animal, one that relies heavily on interaction and cooperation with others. It is because of humanities uncanny ability to assist each other in all that we do, that we have risen to the top of the food chain. Certainly, modern conveniences have gone a long way to ensure that anyone, anywhere can speak to whomever they want anytime.

The principle and importance of relationships remains the same, regardless of the time or place.

Whether we like it or not, we need people.

The extent to which we involve ourselves with others, though, and how we go about building bonds with them is entirely up to us.

For those of us who struggle to maintain relationships, you are in quite comfortable company. While it certainly would be relieving and convenient for us to simply raise our hands and be uncomfortable together, the nuances of human interaction go much deeper than that.

Even when surrounded by hundreds, even thousands of other people fumbling around, making mistakes just like us, there exists an inescapable blanket wrapped around us that strangles our ability to associate.

So, we disassociate.

We wander off, solo, and alone. Among bustling streets, emblazoned with fluorescent lights displaying the worn-out foundation below. No amount of eye contact or half-hearted waves or smiles can provide any relief to the ever-present fact that, no matter what you do or where you are, you will be alone.

Dire circumstances make for radical solutions, most of them taking form in even deeper, more severe isolation. However, this approach only serves to further burn bridges rather than bare any fruits.

The words of Stoic philosopher Seneca, from his penultimate work, “Letters from a Stoic”, ring true.

In the context of a painter painting and admiring his work, Seneca writes, “When his whole attention is absorbed in concentration on the work he is engaged on, a tremendous sense of satisfaction is created in him by his very absorption.”

To further dissect his statement, Seneca was explaining here the all-consuming experience that is creation, the act of laying out the paint to canvas.

The painter, though, only experiences this particular brand of excitement while painting. Once that work is complete, he now enjoys it as a finished painting, rather than one still in the throes of birth.

There are different pleasures to be found in the creation of something, and the creation itself.

The creator experiences two unique joys. In the context of building bonds with others, the philosopher’s words ring true. The lonely person wants desperately to experience love, to be accepted for who they are.

To once more refer to the writings of Seneca, “If you wish to be loved, love.”

When alone, the only person you are surrounded by is yourself. While ample alone time is necessary for the upkeep of the self, we have got to devote our time and attention to others from time to time, to other works of art in progress. After all, staring at the same painting for too long gets a little old.

To break out of the shell that is loneliness, one must first push past the bondage that is staying in one place too long. Out, beyond the windows of your dim apartment being illuminated by your computer screen is where you will find life.

Life from behind a screen can only simulate satisfaction for so long.

As the painter does, look forward to and appreciate the process of interacting with others more so than the result. Building a bond with another person is filled with its fair share of challenges all on its own. Rather than devote valuable energy to the end goal of having and maintaining a friendship, first, be a friend. You must first cause, in order to see an effect.

Be a lover, who can then receive love.

The process and struggle of being a friend, partner, or family member is to be revered as being a gift all on its own. Results are completely out of our hands. People will lie, cheat, and often do the complete opposite of what you would have them do. You can’t control others anymore than they can control you, so instead, don’t waste your time trying to do so. Focus on painting the picture. Time will tell who will be there to admire it once its completed.