Self-Care is a Necessity, Not a Luxury
Are you doing it right?
How many times have we told ourselves a day at the spa, a few drinks at the bar after work, or a piece of chocolate cake is self-care? After all, it was a rough day. A challenging week. We deserve something special to “make up for” the stresses!
Here’s the discrepancy: Self-care is NOT the act of taking solace in distraction. Self-care is the ugly task of doing what needs to be done to preserve our health and well-being.
The first step toward true self-care is recognizing what the phrase means: caring for one’s self. That seems like a no-brainer, right? If so, why do we immerse ourselves in fantasies, and indulge in unhealthy behaviors and refer to it as “self-care”?
Self-care has become a buzzword because we don’t naturally care for ourselves in the way we should. Society is filled with extravagant consumerism and false ideals of “the perfect life.” It is critical to clear our minds of the societal bars set to measure happiness and success and create our own. If your life perpetuates anxiety and unreasonable levels of stress, then it is time to take a look at why.
There is no logical justification for trying to find quick “fixes” for ourselves when we are actively self-sabotaging. It is better to break the cycle and restrategize!
To sincerely care for ourselves, we need to accept ourselves. Take a hard look in the mirror and admit that you’ve failed at certain things. Admit you’ve been disappointed and you’ve disappointed others. Then, stare down these failures and disappointments, and embrace this fact: you are doing your best, and perfection is a myth.
We are all born with strengths and weaknesses. Many of us choose to hone in on our weaknesses and either try to mask them from public view or pretend they do not exist. Sadly, we can’t be everything we want to be all the time. It’s too exhausting! The disappointment we feel when we don’t live up to our high expectations causes a vicious cycle. Anxiety takes root, and we wish we could be someone else, do something else or teleport somewhere other than where we are. When this happens, the desire to escape reality and continually indulge in “treating” ourselves is hard to resist, especially when it’s so accessible!
Believe it or not, self-care is often doing the exact opposite of what we’d rather be doing. Getting up and going to work. Eating healthy, nourishing meals. Making sure we place money into our savings instead of splurging on an extravagance we don’t need.
Self-care IS:
- Knowing who you are and recognizing and accepting your limits
- Finding ways to decompress throughout the day continually, so there is no accumulation of stress
- Making sure your body is well-fed with nutritious meals
- The willingness to change an unmanageable situation
- Getting adequate amounts of sleep and knowing when (and how!) to rest
The key to healthy self-care is flexibility and determination. When it comes to building this practice, we have to ask ourselves if what we’re doing is good for us. This is not to imply we should adopt a selfish outlook, but instead start gauging whether our actions are facilitating long-term wellness. If something is not living up to that standard, we need to be amenable to change and resolute in our efforts to improve.
Sometimes we may have to:
- Let go of a toxic relationship
- Leave dirty dishes in the sink
- Say no
- Accept permanent imperfections
- Choose a new path
It is not easy to create this mindset in the beginning. We’ve been trained to think that self-care = indulgence, when, in fact, it is quite the opposite! Self-care is doubling down to create a life where we don’t feel the desire to escape it.
When we disconnect from actual self-care, we are unhealthy individuals. An incongruence between what we are giving and what we are accepting can fester and develop into depression, anxiety, or several other related issues. It is vital to take love and care from ourselves (as well as others) while giving it.
Here are a few things we can look at to evaluate our current level of self-care:
- Are you getting an adequate amount of sleep each night?
- What amount of movement or exercise occurs each day?
- How often do you say “no” to others, and how hard is it for you to do so?
- How much disorder or lack of organization is present in your life?
- Are your eating habits fueling your body well?
- What amount of time is reserved to prioritize self-care?
- Are you able to process your emotions in a healthy way?
We can choose to overcome struggle and live a life that doesn’t require an “escape” from excessive levels of burnout.
It is time to choose a life that feels good over a life that looks good. It is time to choose reasonable goals. It is time to realize and embody that latent potential we may be stifling. It is time to be honest about meeting our own needs.
We cannot be the hero for everyone else, but we can be the hero of our own life story. We need to stop relying on distractions as solutions and let ourselves be normal and unexceptional. Imagine how liberating it will be to put ourselves and our well-being first before tending to the needs of others!
Is it okay to revel in a bubble bath or watch a few episodes of a favorite tv show? It sure is. But, enjoy it as a part of life. Don’t use it to escape life.
