RACE AND WORK
Should You Bring Your Whole Self to Work?
Things to consider when deciding whether and what to reveal of yourself at work
Bringing your whole self to work is about owning your story, also in the workplace. I find it interesting when organisations encourage their employees to bring their whole selves to work. I wonder if they know what exactly they are asking, and whether they are ready for it. In the past months, as many of us work from home, we have had a small look into our colleagues personal life, where they live, and who they live with. Bringing your whole self to work means making that window broader; showing who you are, where you come from, and what you have gone through. For some colleagues, like those from minority groups, bringing their whole selves includes showing parts of themselves that other people may not be used to seeing, and therefore may make them uncomfortable.
I shared a personal story here last week. More so than showing my “vulnerable side”, to me it was about looking back and reflecting on life. I wanted to talk about empowerment and learning, since it touched one of the periods that have marked my life the most. I also shared the article with my professional network, because I thought it could inspire others who may be going through a similar moment in life. It did not go the way I expected, and instead it sparked another type of reflection in my mind. Why do we still talk about bringing your whole self to work, while sharing anything that is not directly linked to your job title feels odd?
Are you a white, cis-gender, hetero, middle-aged, financially stable, able-bodied man? Chances are that people are comfortable with (a big part) of your whole self. You’re good to go. Are you not in that group? Then you should be very aware of which part of your whole self you bring and how much of yourself you show. It is an important decision for your career because according to your company culture, your personality, and your personal and professional goals, you may not have the luxury (a.k.a. privilege) to be yourself at work.
Some people call it ‘code switching’, a common survival tactic among Black people and people of colour that consists of adapting their looks and personality to make other people comfortable with being around them. In a corporate setting chances are high that there are not a lot of people looking like us, so any adjustment we can make to fit in can make a big difference.
Other people think it is normal to adapt your behaviour to your environment. This article is about arguments and awareness points when deciding whether you should be your full self at work.
Don’t bring your whole self. You will be the ‘face of the race’
For many of our colleagues, particularly in the financial and tech world, it is not common to be around someone who does not look like them. In fact, if you are Black it may be the first (or only) time they will deal with someone like you. And according to research, the impression you make will stick with them.
Author and Nobel Prize award-winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman describes in his book ‘Thinking Fast and Slow’ that “even compelling causal statistics will not change long-held beliefs or beliefs rooted in personal experience”. If you combine the prejudices society already has of Black people and the few experiences they may have had with someone Black, it is very likely that they enter the relationship with assumptions about who you might be. This may be an honour, but can also be a burden. It can be a good opportunity to educate someone and it may even be opening new doors for those who look like you. However, if things don’t go so well, you may reinforce stereotypes in other people’s minds that you did not create in the first place. Sometimes they are reinforced because you are just being human.
Where do you want to put the extra effort. Is it on constantly teaching people to perceive you as a human being? Or is it on adjusting parts of your personality, to make it easier to digest for others?
A Black colleague once mentioned that when she was in high school she worked as a cashier in a supermarket. She did so well and since some vacancies were open the store manager asked her if she could bring friends or family to work there. She was happy to do it and brought her cousins. Her cousin, a Black teenager, stole from the store. An embarrassing experience for my colleague. The expression she overheard in the dressing room triggered me. Her colleague back then said: “that’s why you can not give them any chances”. Imagine if this anecdote would be of a white family. The experience would be just as embarrassing, but the expression to condemn it would have been different.
Black women’s superpower: we are invisible
Prejudices and discrimination are baggage that some people bring with them. I have heard people from minority groups say that the way they cope with it is by not bothering themselves with it and just doing their thing. They choose to not make someone else’s baggage their problem. I admire those who think about it this way. However, I find this approach to be too optimistic, and borderline naive. Because even if discrimination and racism is a problem another person may have, it is those who are not in power who have to endure its consequences.
Discrimination may be another person’s problem, but you are the one who will have to endure it. If you are meeting people for the first time in a professional setting, especially one where there are not a lot of people who look like you, be prepared to deal with prejudices. One of the most ingrained prejudices I have noticed from talking with Black women, reading experiences of (successful) Black women, and just being a Black woman myself, is that we are not visible. We are literally not seen by our peers in the workplace. Michelle Obama mentioned in her book that she also had to deal with the invisibility that came with being a woman of colour.
Carla Harris, senior client advisor at Morgan Stanley and one of the most known Black women in the business world, talks about a work anecdote in her book ‘Strategize to win’. She had this colleague whom she wanted to meet and forge a relationship with because it could be beneficial for her career. When she approached him to talk, or attempted to get his attention, he would act as she wasn’t there. “There was no way that he could miss me” she says, “particularly on a trading floor with a lot of other people that look nothing like me. Not to mention I was usually standing twelve inches from his chair”. She continues “he would speak to other people, talk to his desk mate, and sometimes even get up and walk away as if I were invisible”. The story goes on and she explains how she went on to build a relationship with this colleague. However, I did notice a pattern in her colleague’s behaviour. We see this pattern across industries, and especially in the corporate world. Black women are not seen.
No matter how authentic you are, there is still an extra barrier to climb when striving to be perceived as professional, as someone capable, and in some cases as a human being. It takes effort and energy to adapt yourself to your environment. The personal question you have to ask yourself when deciding whether to adjust your accent, your walk, your hair, or your laugh, is where do you want to put the extra effort. Is it on constantly teaching people to perceive you as a human being? Or is it on adjusting parts of your personality, to make it easier to digest for others?
Do it, be yourself. Beware of who you are and what you want.
Authenticity goes beyond personality. Covering who you are is not efficient. You will be too focused on pleasing others and adapting to their needs, instead of showcasing your strengths and improving your weaknesses. Knowing your goals and why you do what you do will help you stay focused and aware of aligning who you are with what you do. Show that what you do at the company and who you are go well together. You already work there, so the company saw something in you that is going to help them with their own goals. And frankly, if your values and personality don’t align with those of the company, maybe it is time to move on.
Being authentic can also be a competitive advantage. Being aware of who you are means reflecting on why you do what you do; why you choose your career; why you chose the company you work for; and what you expect to get out of it. So, bringing your whole self to work does not mean wearing hot pants everyday to work when the dress code is conservative-business. It is about being aware that if wearing hot pants is an important part of your personality, you will choose a job and an environment with a dress code you are comfortable with. You are also more than your clothes, you are a whole person.
Wear hats, not masks.
People are multifaceted and what they do outside of their work hours can be a relationship builder and a connector to others in the workplace. We tend to give too much weight to our work titles and think that anything that deviates from it is going to make us look less competitive or knowledgeable. We create our own cage, while expanding our horizons is what would enrich our professional profile. It’s the different aspects of who we are (the mother, the athlete, the singer, the artist, the reader, etc.) that will help us connect with our peers and build relationships.
Learn to show the person you want to be, and to not seek approval from other people to be that person.
Being Black, or coming from a minority group, is an important part of our identity. A way to embrace it and honour it is to use our relationship with others as an opportunity to make an impact and to break stereotypes by just being who we are. As we navigate the professional world, we also learn to adjust our behaviours according to the circumstances. It’s another thinking hat we put on, it is not a mask. Being confident in your own skin and owning your personality will help shape the perception people have of you. The trick is to be aware of how your behaviour matches the person you want to be for yourself, and the person you want to be perceived for.
The trick is to be aware of the kind of person you want to be for yourself, the person you want to be perceived for, and to make your behaviour match those. Learn to show the person you want to be, and to not seek approval from other people to be that person. It is challenging as women, particularly as Black women, since we are not always given the possibility to just be who we are whether other people agree with it or not. We belong to communities that ask from us to be who they want us to be. It is important to check in with ourselves and make sure we are who we need ourselves to be.
I personally do bring my whole self to work… sometimes. It took me a while to be myself in the workplace and to feel the freedom and comfort to be who I am. I have learned to identify the places and the people with whom I can open up, and those where and with whom I am fine with just being invisible.
I have taken my time to get to know people and have focused on building relationships. It does take a while to get comfortable in your own shoes, to be vulnerable to others, and for others to show their vulnerable side to you. I like to think that (as the only Black woman in my department) I have made a good impression and that that will positively affect the next person that they will deal with who looks like me.
On the other hand, there are places and people even in the same company with whom you need to put the right hat on and move on. In my work experience I have dealt with comments that, as well-intended and “funny” as they may have been, were actually revealing my colleagues’ lack of familiarity with people who don’t look like them. From subtle comments like “you take too much space” when I speak up or lead meetings, to the cryptic “act normal” because of my charismatic personality; all the way to the blatantly racist “drug jokes”. I am careful not to pick up their garbage and carry it as my burden.
These comments alone have taught me a lot about privilege. Those are the comments that you get to make and the feedback you get to give when you are not in the minority. When you are not actively reflecting on which part of your personality and your story to share with your ‘peers’. Privilege is the careless act of not having to overthink whether you should just be yourself at work.
