Six things I’ve learned from being a waitress
This isn’t about skills gained, but lessons learned.
Working a serving job is often mentally and emotionally draining as well as being physically demanding. It involves dealing with inept managers, long hours, minimal intellectual stimulation and very little gratification. This is not everyone’s experience, but it is for many.
Despite all that working as a waitress has taught me some valuable lessons.
Here are six things I’ve learned about life:
I am lucky.
This work has humbled and grounded me in a way that I don’t think many other jobs can. I have recognized my body’s strength and capability of taking me through long painful shifts, I am employed and able to pay my bills and I have met some wonderful friends. Working as a waitress has allowed to me to move to a new country and easily pick up a job and because it is a steady source of income with few strings attached, it has allowed me the freedom to spend time exploring hobbies, countries and creative projects that I would otherwise not be able to if I had to exert more mental energy into a ‘career’ job. Even when you are feeling down or overwhelmed, indulge in gratitude.
Karma IS a thing.
An example:
I have a terrible boss. Again and again, he has made decisions, said things and acted in a way that has made staff feel undervalued, disrespected and ANNOYED. He has recently been the recipient of the universal lesson (though I don’t know if he recognizes it as such) that you can’t treat people like shit and expect them to stick around anyway. In the last week, four people have quit, leaving us severely short staffed. In short, shit is hitting the fan.
And I have no sympathy for him.
Any outcome is a direct reflection of the energy you exude and a result of the decisions that you make. And I think that this ‘disaster’ he proclaimed when the fourth person quit, is one of his own making. After all, we create our own circumstances and our fate is the culmination of our decisions. You get what you give.
I’ve also learned that this means that if I consistently choose to see a serving job as only the things I don’t like, I will be miserable. You have to create your own joy and practice a positive outlook if you want to attract good things and new opportunities.
Understanding that there is a cosmic balance of energy serves as a reminder to always lead with love, gratitude and positivity and to treat people with respect. Sometimes it takes awhile, but what goes around comes around.
Don’t take anything personally.
Borrowing from ‘The Four Agreements’: nothing anyone says or does to you is about you. It’s all about them; it is a reflection of the specific reality that they have created for themselves in their head. If you just decide not to get flustered and overwhelmed by other people, and you simply let things roll off you, your stress levels will be dramatically reduced, trust me. This is not an excuse to avoid valid accountability on your part but it is about refusing to let people’s negative behavior or comments destabilize your inner peace. At work it is so easy to let a difficult customer ruin your mood or stress you out, making you yourself a difficult person to be around. On the other hand, it is so liberating to just think: ‘whatever’ and go about your day. Because that shit ain’t about you! Kill them with kindness and be interested and observant in how this changes the dynamic of your interactions with people.
Don’t feel obliged to be loyal to someone that treats you badly.
So many restaurant managers (and people in general!) have cultivated an environment of stress, negativity and lack of enjoyment. And when you are right in the middle of it, entangled with ties to your colleagues and a routine, it can feel impossible to walk away. But in hindsight, it is never that big of a deal. People move on and you can get used to anything.
Having the courage to leave situations that do not serve you anymore is so empowering and so, so necessary.
The day I had a full blown panic attack during my shift, after weeks of insomnia, was the day I realized I really did have to quit my job. If you find yourself having to compromise your values, opinions and self-worth, leave. You deserve to feel good about what you are doing.
It is okay to move around, make changes and try something new. Don’t try to rationalize it, go with your gut. You can bet that if one person was willing to pay you for your work, someone else will too.
It is easy to be kind.
Customer facing work is hard. You are being paid to be pleasant and engage with people and that can be draining. But when you’re talking to people all day long you realize how little it takes to make someone enjoy their time spent with you.
It’s cliche, but a simple smile can make such a difference to someone’s day. Listening to someone tell about a meaningless story about their dog or laughing with them about how they missed the bus that morning can make them so happy.
It’s a small act of service to another person to approach them with genuineness and kindness.
When a customer treats me with disregard, disrespect or condescension, I often think “why did they say that/do that, it would have been so much easier to just be nice”. And this has informed my own mindset when I deal with people, whether at work or not.
Gossiping and complaining achieves nothing.
When you are unhappy with your job, it is so, SO tempting to constantly vent to your colleagues about all the stuff you hate and discuss the all the new ‘drama’. And that constant reinforcement of all the things you don’t like can become toxic and prevent you from noticing the things you do like. Unless you are actually going to proactively address something or someone that is bothering you, keep it to yourself. I’ve stopped trying to analyse people’s bad behavior, it uses up valuable mental resources and it won’t change anything. When something is upsetting you, address it directly, remove yourself or practice polite indifference. Like, I know that I cannot change who my boss is and nor do I want to expend energy trying and I do not feel the need to quit yet. So… I shut up about it. Venting without constructive critical conversation is useless and only puts everyone in a bad mood about the idiocy that is so often abundant.
Moral of the story?
During the two years that I have been working as a waitress, I have become more confident in my idea of the type of person I want to be, what it takes to be a good leader, and I am better at conflict resolution and engaging with people in meaningful ways. Waitressing can be exhausting and unfulfilling but it builds true strength of character. And even though I feel stuck and frustrated sometimes, I am grateful for the experience and for the universal truths about life I’ve uncovered.
