The Five Stages of Dating on Bumble While Over 40

The Kübler-Ross Theory of Online Dating and Aging Out

Denial and Isolation

The first reaction to realizing that you’re never going to meet someone “in real life” is to deny the reality of the situation. This isn’t happening. I am successful and hot and can cook and yet somehow I am downloading an app that allows thousands of strangers to see my vacation photos. No. This cannot be happening.

The next first reaction, after downloading the app and realizing that men who are fifteen years older than you aren’t interested but for some reason 23 year-olds are dying to meet you, is to continue to deny the situation. Did that 58 year-old really say “no one over 35” on his profile? Why do 23 year olds keep telling me that older women ‘have their shit together?’ No. This cannot be happening.

Denial is a useful defense mechanism that protects against the immediate shock of online dating over 40, numbing you to the reality that none of the men on these apps seem to have jobs. You pretend that their invitations to meet at 2 in the afternoon Wednesday (really, they don’t have jobs) didn’t actually happen, or the phrase “looking for someone who takes care of herself” isn’t really just code for “thin.” For most women over 40 on dating apps, this stage is a brief and temporary response…