how i found myself one self-help class at a time
I am a former self-help new-age junkie. I’ve paid thousands of dollars to psychics, mediums, healers, hypnotherapists, therapists, meditation teachers.
You name it, I’ve probably done it.
If you are anything like me you might be someone who dabbles into the woo-woo.
If you are someone in desperate need of healing you might accidentally fall into the woo-woo world.
That was me.
I fell into the woo-woo world for over 10 years.
I went to my first psychic when I was 21 years old.
It wasn’t really what she said as so much what I felt in our sessions. I don’t know if it was the crystal balls or the tarot cards but I was hooked.
In a way I saw myself in her.
She opened a door for me to be curious.
I think I always had a spiritual side to me but I was afraid to show it.
Or perhaps express it.
After our psychic readings I psychic-hopped for a while comparing her predictions to others.
Then I wondered…maybe I was psychic?
After all I had always been pretty intuitive.
No I couldn’t predict lottery numbers but can anyone?
I think it is easy to assume being psychic is someone who can make these all-knowing predictions.
But really I think it is a game of logic and insight.
Personally I think I always relied on my intuition.
It guided me in ways that I needed when my parents didn’t.
My parents were abusive and completely out of touch with reality. They had no idea how to be positive role models.
Many days I was afraid to be around my parents so I prayed.
I prayed at night for guidance.
I prayed the Serenity prayer probably a gazillion times.
I asked God for help.
Prayer turned into an interesting dialogue with the universe or God — if you will.
If I was quiet and patient sometimes I felt or heard a reply.
Sometimes it was signs in my environment. Sometimes it was people who stood out to me as someone I could trust or feel safe with. Sometimes it was my dreams giving me a message that made me feel like I’d be okay.
Somehow I just knew I would make it out alive and that life had a purpose for me.
Maybe it was the power of synchronicity.
I still value and live by synchronicity to this day.
Synchronicity has been an anchor in my healing quest.
By definition, synchronicity is the simultaneous occurrence of events which appear significantly related but have no discernible causal connection.
I think much of my life has been synchronicity where a strange line of events happened at once — i.e. feeling like i would meet my life partner and a month later I met him.
I think our intuition can be a superpower.
While it can be faulty and false at times I think in many cases it can serve us to a great degree of success and truth.
My psychic reading turned into a 10-year quest for healing.
I didn’t even realize it until now.
I enrolled in classes from psychic development, mediumship, intuition, hypnotherapy, meditation and even a 200 hour yoga-teacher training.
I screamed in rooms at the top of my lungs with strangers in emotional intelligence exercises.
The whole course was a bit culty but I didn’t care. Like almost scientology culty.
I completed all the stages, enrolled people in the course and realized in the end I was in a bit of a happy-go-lucky cult. People asked me constantly what I was creating and how I could be the stand for leadership.
We didn’t have real conversations. All we talked about was transformation and how we could enroll the next person in the course.
While I despised the enrollment part I found incredible joy and healing in the screaming-in-rooms exercises.
It’s funny how self-help works.
If you get healing and release a lifetime of pain it doesn’t really matter what it is, does it?
What I’ve learned from this 10-year-healing-journey is it never really stops — like ever.
I think at the end of the day I am a person who values both spirituality and science.
We can try all kinds of tricks and you never know — one might be the key to releasing years of pain and grief.
Personally I think I got a bit addicted to self-help work that I avoided living in the real world.
After finding my peak with the work I am at a new place of evolution.
I am integrating.
I am witnessing my growth every day.
I am on a path to understanding myself fully-expressed in the world.
What do you look like fully-expressed?
My spiritual journey has given me great tools that I still use to this day.
They help me cope in an otherwise overwhelming world.
Yoga is a practice I go to for relaxation. CBD calms my mind. Mindfulness and meditation are tools I practice for grounding and reflection.
My intuition is always there — whispering little nudges and ideas to guide me in life.
The mind is incredibly powerful and malleable.
You can be a spiritual surfer of many interests. You can go on your own eat-pray-love journey and realize how life is truly simple in the end.
If you ask me, what is enlightenment?
Enlightenment is living and being in your full-expression.
It is knowing your core values so much that nothing shakes you — nothing takes your power.
It is becoming the master of your most difficult emotions and learning to co-exist in harmony with yourself so that you can co-exist with others.
It is listening, compassion and humanity.
I am not enlightened. I am still on a quest for it.
I think in this life I came here to be self-actualized.
I hope I find it by the time I die.
In the end we all want to give and receive love.
If I can come from a place of love in the most challenging times I’ve won in the game of life.
And right now I am still learning how to do that.