Oct 4, 2018
The Iceberg Model - Negotiations at Work
Effective ways to negotiate better with just about anyone
This blog post is covering a session led by Jodie Stewart and Ching Valdezco, Exec-Comm Learning Consultants, during Grace Hopper Conference 2018.
Studies have shown that in the workforce, men tend to over estimate their skills and abilities while women continually underestimate them. This gender disparity of self-belief in the workplace can create a dynamic where women face greater challenges in career growth and negotiation situations.
Effective working relationships require compromise between colleagues. So how can we take negotiations from being tense, unpleasant experiences to a place where each party feels heard and is ensured mutual gains?
Negotiation is an information gathering process.
— Chris Voss, Former Lead Hostage Negotiator for the FBI
1. Plan your approach
Prepare your side of the discussion and think through potential successes. Learn about potential issues and objectives, and prepare information you’re willing to bring to the table.
- Imagine your next negotiation
- Imagine what success could look like
- Identify and plan your currencies
- What can you offer?
- What might you ask for?
2. Make room for deeper discussion
Asking questions is a great way to find out more about the situation you are encountering. Try to asking open ending questions (those that start with “What”, “Why” and “How”) rather than surface level questions such as:
What are your concerns?
What would be helpful for you?
How did you determine your budget?
How long has this been an issue?
Why is this a priority?
A metaphor to keep in mind is a model of an iceberg — there is a visible portion of ice above water representing the shallow questions that have obvious yes/no answers. But beneath the water represents the reality and complexities of a situation or question. One strategy is to think of a simple goal to gather more information, so we can better understand how to get to compromise.
Our first instinct may be to ask close ended questions which lead to the end of a conversation.
What not to ask:
Question: Can I have a raise? Answer: No.
What to do instead:
Start with “What do you think…”, “How do you…” and “Why do you…” questions to get to a deeper understanding of your collaborator.
Having empathy helps you get to a place where there can be mutual benefits in the outcome and an ongoing conversation about what you value. This way, you won’t be leaving any potential benefits on the table.
Another tip is to remember to ask TEDS questions:
- Tell me more …
- Explain more …
- Describe what it would look like …
- Share with me your vision for the future …
3. Utilize active listening
It’s especially important to confirm what you’ve heard to avoid assumptions. Our listening can be hampered in situations that are emotionally charged or stressful.
Due to fears about what might go wrong, we must ensure we are understanding the other party by checking in with questions like:
“If I’ve heard you correctly, you said ________, is that right?”
4. Clarify next steps
Sometimes it can takes up to 5 “Why” questions to get to the root cause of the issue. Even if the other party says “Yes” or “No” — it’s important to keep the conversation going and clarify what that answer necessary means. A response of “Yes” by itself is an ambiguous answer and “No” might not be the end of the world.
Negotiation is often described as the art of letting the other side have your way.
— Chris Voss
—
Did you find this useful? Buy me a coffee to give my brain a hug. 🍵
Feel free to check out my design work or my handbook on UX design, upgrading your portfolio and understanding design thinking.
This story is published in The Startup, Medium’s largest entrepreneurship publication followed by + 375,041 people.
Subscribe to receive our top stories here.
