Delirium, Reality, and the Contours of the Mind: reflections on my post-operative experiences in intensive care

Following heart surgery in January this year, I found myself convalescing in a comfortable nursing-care home in one of the glens of the Hillfoots near Stirling. It was a lovely experience, the staff were very kind, and the sun shone gloriously through the windows — even though I was regularly frustrated by the bars on my bed that prevented me from going anywhere. Soon after, however, I drove down to Manchester, and from there onto Ireland where I worked with Olivia Colman in a new drama for the BBC. And then I was lucky enough to take up an offer to travel to southern Italy, for a quasi-academic experience of convalescence after my operation.

All of these things happened. I have very clear memories of them. However, what I didn’t realise until later was that during all this time I had been in the Royal Infirmary of Edinburgh, in the high dependency unit next to where I had undergone extensive surgery on an aortic dissection. My body was being carefully controlled by drugs, I underwent substantial blood transfusions, and I was in a medically induced coma. I was going nowhere, except in my mind.

What was happening was post-operative delirium, a very common patient reaction to major medical intervention. Apparently, it is particularly…