The Pursuit of Autonomy
It’s been two years since I left one of the biggest professional services firms in the world to create something of my own.
I had a core concept of a consulting company that wholly invested in its staff’s development and ultimately helped them to leave by launching their own ventures. For those people it would be a safe off-ramp from a structured career into a world of complexity. Slight issue as I resigned though was that it was just me, with no clients, and no-one who was crazy enough to jump ship with me.
Recently I was discussing my experience over the last 2 years with a good friend of mine who still works at a Big4. The conversation centred around three main questions
- “Why did I choose to leave?”
- “What is different now?”
- “What advice would I give to others?”
I’m sharing my responses to these questions as a way of clarifying my own thoughts, and providing insights for people that may be considering taking a similar risk or who are feeling they need to find a job with greater ‘purpose’ (more on this shortly).
Why did I choose to leave?
The conversation started off on the differences between working in a large global consulting business (where you can be somewhat limited depending on your role/line of service) vs working in a smaller firm where you can invest every ounce of yourself into anything and receive nothing less than 100% merit (total failure of 100% is also a likely outcome). I had been at a Big4 for a number of years and towards the end of my time there felt completely lost.
Our conversation reflected on our differing experiences over the last couple of years comparing one environment to another. This difference was focussed on the way I described having full autonomy and authority over the work we did, who we worked with and the impact we could have. Two years previous I thought I hated everything about consulting, today it’s the polar opposite. Even though it’s the same work, it’s now my own business, my own clients and most importantly the people that I have always wanted to work with. In essence, that is why I had left. I had left in the pursuit of total autonomy but what is interesting is that wasn’t why I thought I was leaving at the time.
Recently, I have spoken to a number of people who feel and seem slightly lost with what they are doing. It’s an undeniable millennial trait to constantly be pursuing something of ‘impact’ or ‘purpose’, and many people are quick to point that out. I am 100% that type of individual born slap bang in the middle of the millennial cohort. I remember feeling immensely ‘lost’ for years in my career with no idea how to get out — but also zero idea of what ‘getting out’ meant or why it was important ‘to get out’. Interestingly, I think the feeling or desire to find impact/purpose driven work is actually more a desire to find ownership and autonomy in an individual’s life. I know that I certainly feel fulfilled more so that I have found autonomy over purpose because I can use my autonomy to drive the impact and purpose that I wish to have.
How did this all manifest itself? As with any major personal or professional change it is usually the result of something that builds tension over time and then a catalyst ignites that change. The tension I found was very much focussed on the lack of autonomy and authority I had in delivering the work that I did. I fully understand from a risk perspective that you cannot give a junior with limited experience full autonomy, however, more often than not I felt restricted in what I could do and achieve. This compounded over years and evidenced through high performance grades but no promotion to the next level (it’s amazing how nonsensical that feels to me nowadays). Eventually, the catalyst was another promotion rejection and enough was enough.
Why is it different now?
What next? I knew I wanted to start my own business, I actually wanted to start many businesses and invest in many others either financially or through developing founders. But with no capital and with no network becoming the next venture builder was a 10 year pipe dream at least. I therefore hatched a plan, and put it into action. I was very lucky as during my time in the Big4 there was one client where I had full autonomy over the project and team. I loved that project, I loved that client and the work that we did was not only rewarding for us all, but of great benefit to the client. Reflecting on the project it made me realise that actually, deep down, despite being slightly scarred by my previous experiences, I actually loved consulting.
I knew that I wanted to continue to work with clients, delivering impactful work and doing so with amazing groups and individuals. From that acknowledgement, Upside was born and everything since then has been driven by the desire to hire the best people, invest in those individuals and then manifest that talent through impactful work for clients and the creation of impactful ventures. At the heart of Upside is a laser focus on investing in our people. Investing in what is best for them, not what is best for us. By doing this the impact we could have is compounded by the individuals or teams we nurture and the onward impact they will have.
One thing that the above means is that we don’t always make the most ‘rational’ investments of either our money or our time. Does it make sense to pay for an employees ACA qualification when we could run out of money in 3 months, probably not. However, an unfailing belief in courage favours the brave makes me feel that if we continue in this vein then maybe we could just make it work. I don’t want for us to become the next hot shot consultancy, or the next bleeding edge digital agency, or a venture builder that churns out 10s of concepts a year. Scale in this regards isn’t a driving force. Far more so, with Upside, balance is what we view as key to success. By focussing on scaling the 3 pillars of Upside simultaneously, we won’t get distracted by one specific part thus distracting us from our ultimate aim. Balance then plays into the careers and opportunities we offer our people. Our belief is that if you focus 100% on the broader development of a phenomenal talent by giving them varied development experiences then this will lead to incredible things.
What advice would I give to others?
Mine and my friends conversation ended on this last point, what advice would I give to others if I was fortunate enough to be allowed to offer up an opinion. My response would be:.
- Unhappy? Pull the rip chord: If you are no longer learning, or unhappy to the point where it is affecting your broader life. Get out. Your joy and talent is like a market. When it enters into a bear market it compounds the worse it gets. This also works on the upside. Therefore cut your losses at all costs and invest in something that drives an upside.
- Beware the hamster wheel: If you don’t think the career path you are on isn’t for you, trust your gut and do something about it. I know first hand how easy it can be to stay on the hamster wheel of a career always thinking the next step is the solution whereas actually it is just the sticking plaster.
- Find the next stepping stone: Don’t worry if you don’t have a precise understanding of where you are going next. It likely takes a number of stepping stones to cross the river.
- Find a learning environment with great people: Regardless of what you do next, focus on finding an environment where you can learn from and be challenged by talented people.
- Don’t burn bridges: Needless to say, your current colleagues will value your individual talent and therefore will be upset to see you go and likely feel hurt by your departure. Don’t leave in a ball of flames, you never know when one of your previous counterparts is a pivotal piece of your master plan.
The key question at this point is whether the move has given me all the things I was searching for. I would say to a certain extent, yes. Yes it absolutely has based on the points that I raised earlier about autonomy leading to a self-actualisation of purpose. However, as any Founder will attest, you live in constant fear that it all comes crumbling down through a perceived inability to sustain growth against the vision you aspire to. That fear is your worst enemy one day and your best friend the next. It’s your worst enemy as it is all consuming, as someone said to me just today it’s your monkey brain taking over and once that monkey is in, it is very hard to shake it. This affects you as an individual making you closed and transactional (or certainly that is the impact it has on myself that I am acutely aware of) opposed to open, creative and agile. To counter that though it is also your best friend as the fear instils a perpetual drive in oneself to keep at it and to keep looking for answers that lead to continued success. Without that fear one can ebb back into a state of lethargy or arrogance, which in actual terms is your greatest enemy and the kiss of death to any business owner regardless of stature.
I hope this resonates with a few people who’ve made the jump and that it provides courage to anyone considering it. If you read this and feel that you need to talk things through with someone, get in touch with us. Our company is filled with people that will be able to give you some sage advice about what you are doing and hopefully offer some form of guiding hand.
And if you think you may be interested in a role at Upside, we are always on the lookout for exceptional people who may be grappling with what their next challenge should be and are searching for a little more autonomy.
wyndham@theupside.io
