The Reasons Why I Decided to Quit Being a ‘Social Media Influencer’
The Start
Back in 2015, when I first shared about my skin care routine on Instagram, I never thought that I will have thousands of followers on that mobile application like I have right now in 2019.
I was just an unknown person with no connection at all. Suddenly, I became this known person in the beauty scene and was often contacted by international beauty brands and was regularly invited to beauty events along with magazine beauty editors, famous personalities, and celebrities. It was awkward at first but after awhile, things started to feel more familiar as I met more and more people and made a few close friends in the industry.
I was given opportunities to do so many amazing things that I didn’t know were possible. My name was written in beauty stores nationwide, my face was used to represent reknowned beauty brands on multiple official websites and social media platforms, and the best thing of it all was that I got to bring my very shy mother on an all-expenses-paid beauty trip where she was able to have fun and made some new friends. These are just to name a few.
Everything Comes With a Price
As much as all of these were fun, I can’t deny that they weren’t easy to achieve and maintain. It requires constant hard work. For years, I had sacrificed a lot of my time to maintain the quality of my contents and my reputation on Instagram.
Constantly reading and writing about beauty related things to keep myself updated and relevant, taking and editing hundreds of pictures just to get that ONE perfect picture, putting on makeup just for the sake of taking ONE promotional photo or video, writing the scripts and captions which took days to complete so that they can be close to perfect, recording videos multiple times while drenching in sweat since you can’t turn on the fan or the air conditioner because you want to avoid the audio from being noisy, and afterwards editing the video for hours without getting enough sleep.
This didn’t include the constant criticisms and hardships that I was publicly open to. Entitled readers, selfish people who stole your ideas and hardwork without crediting you properly, and also the difficult experiences dealing with fake and mean people in the industry.
Imagine constantly doing all of that non-stop while balancing your personal life as a postgraduate student, as a daughter, as a sister, as a girlfriend, and as a best friend. Where there were real commitments, real problems, and real expectations that you have to achieve within a specific time.
Things Started to Change
Just like any other jobs, being a ‘Social Media Influencer’ is a job that has it’s very own difficulties too. Knowing that, I decided to endure it all and kept on working diligently for it for years. Until, Instagram started to make a lot of changes to the algorithm and making posts to be more and more invisible to my readers.
My daily engagement rate went down by 50%. The visibility, the views, and the likes were reduced to half. Although I know it by heart that those numbers were not important, I still cared about it. Because you know why? Those numbers are what define your value in this industry. Especially if you want to work with brands. I know it is sick and inhumane. But it is the truth. That is why you can see so many people willing to do and say idiotic things just to be famous, relevant, and achieve high number of followings.
Even if I didn’t want to work with brands, I would still be demotivated everytime when my engagement rate went down because I felt like no one read and watches the contents that I produced anymore. I know this may sounds ridiculous and it makes me look weak, I am just telling you the truth.
The thing that I hate the most about this is the fact that I can’t run from feeling like this. I can deny and comfort myself by saying that those numbers are not important, but I can’t hide the fact that those numbers are the main parameters that other people and I used to determine the success of any social media accounts.
This was where everything started to become suffocating for me. Because no matter what I did, no matter how much effort I put on my posts, no matter how often I posted, and no matter how many comments I replied, there were still no improvement that could be seen on my engagement rate. It was obvious to the point that a few of my readers pointed out and said that they were weirded out that my number of followers was still low even when I already posted good informational posts on a regular basis.
I know. I can easily buy engagements and followers for Instagram illegally online. There are many services available. Even Instagram offers to promote business account in exchange for money. Need exposure and fame? I can easily accept offers from shady brands to promote unethical things while getting paid for thousands. My face will be plastered on weird websites and be known to the public.
Doing stupid stuff so that people could talk about me? Easy. I can just wear a hijab, a spandex bodysuit, and a bra on the outside. Stick a name of any famous K-pop group on the bra and dance. Then ta-dah! The video will be viral in my country! This idea is too big and will cause too much sensation? Let’s just be a mean person online and pick on everyone’s mistakes everyday and say negative things about them. I will get noticed in an instant!
I know about all of these tricks that people do on the internet to gain fame and relevancy. Just it is not my personality to do these kinds of things. No matter how many people find them normal to do, I don’t think they are right. At all. I post contents, facts, and reviews of the beauty products that I actually tried. Not things like that!
Although I know it by heart that these numbers are not important, I still cared about it. Because you know why? Those numbers are what define your value in this industry. Especially if you want to work with brands. I know it is sick and inhumane. But it is the truth.
Creator Burnout
After trying hard for so long, I started to notice that I was feeling constantly tired and uninspired, I felt like I was forced to post something daily, I was not contented with the contents that I made, I felt bad towards my readers, I felt like the effort that I put did not produce the reward that I expected it would, I felt like I was not good enough, and I felt like a complete loser. Easy to say, I was experiencing ‘Creator Burnout’.
In order to make things fun again and for me to be inspired again, I decided to take some rest. However, it didn’t turn out so great since Instagram is a social media platform that rewards and prioritizes people who produces content daily and uses the latest features on that application. Hence, everytime when I took a rest, my engagement rate went lower and lower each day.
When I look at my Instagram’s account, it makes me feel sad. How can something that initially started out of passion and pleasure turned out to be this disheartening? A huge part of me know that it was my fault too for allowing the platform to change into something with the purpose of a business. It was supposed to be a fun place where I get to share my knowledge and opinions with my readers. Yet, it had sadly turned out this way.
I know not many ‘Social Media Influencers’ will openly talk about this since no one want to show their flaws and vulnerability. Especially to strangers on the internet but I am sure they all felt the same way as I do too. Maybe not as often, but I am sure the thought had definitely came across at least once on their minds.
When I look at my Instagram’s account, it makes me feel sad. How can something that initially started out of passion and pleasure turned out to be this disheartening?
The Decision
So I talked to my family and friends and after much thoughts, I decided that it was best for me to leave the platform. If it felt forced and it didn’t bring me any happiness, even just a little, then what is the point of continuing?
I was browsing through my old posts and noticed that I had already shared everything that I could with my readers. Makeup, skin care, beauty tips, beauty reviews, sign language videos, eco-friendly related posts, self-help advices, book reviews, movie reviews, pop culture, healthy lifestyle, vegan recipes, and so much more.
I shared a lot throughout the years. Up to more than 1443 posts and this doesn’t even include the hundreds of curated Instastory and posts that I had archived. They are not perfect but I did the best that I could. I cannot deny the fact that it felt so rewarding and amazing whenever a reader told me that my posts brought so much positivity to them.
“Illiya, my skin is better now. Thank you for sharing your skin care tips.” “Illiya, I lost 10 kilograms by referring to your tips to lead a healthy lifestyle. I feel so happy and healthy now. Thank you!” “Illiya, thank you for introducing this product to me. It changed my life!”
These kinds of messages are the reasons why most of us ‘Social Media Influencers’ decided to stay on the platform for so long. However, in my part, I don’t think that it is worth it to stay anymore.
It’s Okay to Let Go
You must be thinking, why not take a long break instead of quitting. Quitting doesn’t sound like a good thing. All the hardwork that I had put throughout the years will go to waste right? Well, I tried. I tried everything that I could. However, it always came back to the same result and situation with the same bad feelings. Hence, the best for me was just to let go.
It is okay to quit and say goodbye to the things that no longer benefit you, you know. Some people have this misconception that quitting for your own benefit is a bad thing. It’s not. You and your feelings are important too. As important as anything else.
With that, I decided to close both of my accounts on Instagram within a month time. I did my last promotional video with a brand and for 30 days, I just posted what I wanted to post on my Instatory without having much thoughts on it.
The Final Moment
When it came to the time where I needed to post my last post on Instagram, I remember how my heart was pounding like crazy and there were unexplainable loud ringing sounds in both of my ears. Saying goodbye to something that you had work extremely hard on for years is a life-changing decision. I have other social media accounts but Instagram is the one that I solely build my career on.
Just as I posted that, my comment section and inbox were immediately flooded with so many “Are you okay?” messages. I guess it was an unexpected and a crazy thing to do considering how hard it is to gain followers and to build a reputation on Instagram. I didn’t click anything to open the messages or read the comments, I just closed the application and stared blankly at my phone.
The feeling that I felt at that moment was bittersweet. It is like you are sad that it had to end like that but at the same time, you feel this huge sense of relief knowing that it had finally come to an end. After years, the pain had finally stopped. I am finally free and I have no regrets at all.
I remember how my heart was pounding like crazy and there were unexplainable loud ringing sounds in both of my ears. Saying goodbye to something that you had work extremely hard on for years is a life-changing decision.
Adjusting to Changes
It took a little time for me to adjust to these changes. I’ve been creating content consistently for years. To stop it just like that, my mind and body needed some time to slowly adjust to it. For example, I never noticed this before but I kept viewing things as content. Everywhere I go.
In my mind, I could immediately see something and say, “Oh, I could take a picture here, edit it like that, write a caption here, and post at this time where people will be active on Instagram.” This went down for days. It was a habit that has been formed for years as a ‘Social Media Influencer’ without me even realizing it.
There were times that I felt like I need to constantly hold my phone and yet not knowing what to do with it. Before this I usually spend 8 to 12 hours everyday on my phone to create content and to keep me constantly updated on things. Once I let it all go, I realized how unhealthy it is to be glued on your phone all day.
That is why I am glad that I decided to quit being a ‘Social Media Influencer’. Because I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with my eyes constantly on my phone and my mind always thinking about the next content to post. It is not something that I want to do for the rest of my life.
Free and Happy
Now, after days of saying goodbye to Instagram, I don’t find myself missing it at all. I have started to take my time to read books again, learn foreign languages, and I am even inspired to cook and create more vegan dishes. I know that I am just human and that I will be tested with something else sooner or later. Just compare to before, I feel extremely free and happy right now and that is what matter the most for me.
As for creating content, it is always been my passion to share the things that I learned with people. Hence, I am going to continue doing that on Medium and YouTube. Just at my own pace without any pressure. I will go for quality over quantity.
