The secret step in storytelling that is so often forgotten.

Discussions about storytelling can be like the three tenors. They nearly always only focus on two parts of the act.

1. The stories we tell people about ourselves.

2. The stories they will tell others about us.

But there’s a third part which is equally as important, and the more efficient we can become in identifying this, the more effective we will be in using storytelling to move people to action.

3. Recognising the stories people themselves - their worldviews – and understanding how these will impact the first two points.

We all have that relative (often an uncle) who tells the same inappropriate story at every table, sometimes it’s a hit, sometimes it’s a disaster. Why?

It’s because so often the focus on storytelling is around consistency (P.1), and deepening and / or broadening connections (P.2), but what is equally important is context (P.3). Who is the audience?

It’s why the very best storytellers often spend far less time ‘telling’ and much more time listening, to read ‘the room’ before launching into a tale, and why the tone deaf uncle remains a time bomb best kept in a localised environment.

The uncle’s internal narrative is simple. He is the unmovable speaker of truth.

“I don’t change for anyone, I just say it as it is.”

For some this style resonates, for others it grinds. Why is this approach so polarising?

When we listen to a story, we subconsciously consider whether supporting what we are being told would reinforce or contradict our own worldview. This helps us determine how we should respond.

Put simply, we are trying to work out whether ‘people like us, do things like this.’

If the answer is no, we’re likely to resist, retaliate, or retreat. Where we see inconsistencies we may even reassess what else we have supported, and who else supports these views and is where trust can often we impacted.

This process is something we are constantly doing as we sort things into groups, searching for others who share a similar worldview, and seeking opportunities that will strengthen our status within these tribes.

So how do we get better at recognising people’s worldviews, and the stories they tell themselves?

The most important skill required to become more efficient and effective in understanding those around us, is empathy and a genuine commitment to engage (real listening, curious questioning, and being truly present in the conversation.)

Ask yourself, how does this person (or group) view the world and their role in it. What are their drivers, their purpose, and how might this impact the way I shape the story I am about to share?

For the uncle it’s a one size fits all approach, but there’s a much more powerful and effective way.

Find the tension.

So often discussions around storytelling simply focus on connection, but we are all selling something, so how can storytelling help us move those we are connecting with to action?

When you understand how someone sees themselves in the world, storytelling can help you creates the tension a person requires to act.

The person who prides themselves on being the ‘powerful impulsive decision-maker’ requires a very different narrative to the ‘careful considerer’ who needs to feel like they’ve assessed all the facts before acting. The bargain hunter who doesn’t like to miss out, feels time pressure likely more than both. All have their own worldviews and internal narrative, and will respond very differently to the same story, so consider how you might use their worldview to shape where you start.

Silence to seal.

Strategic silence is your secret weapon. Practice it, play with it, reframe your fears around it, as it’s the final step in storytelling and your most powerful tool if your using storytelling to drive action. Ask the question. Listen. Sit. Wait for them to speak.

Finally get outside your comfort zone, and practice.

I’d love to connect and be part of your storytelling journey, so please reach out and share your feedback, tips and experiences and thank you for taking the time to read this piece. Good luck!

This story is published in The Startup, Medium’s largest entrepreneurship publication followed by +438,678 people.

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