This is Why You Feel So Guilty When You Take Time to Rest
As feminine energy slowly takes hold on the planet, society has gradually started to open to the idea of rest as a necessity for a happy, fulfilled life. The masculine paradigm centered around constant pushing and work, without counteracting with feminine energy centered around allowing, has given way to a mental health crisis unlike anything the world has ever seen.
Today, we’re at an impasse. Most of us understand the need for rest and allowing, but battle against old patterns deeply embedded within us. We’ll take a mental health day or just spend a day relaxing, only to meet a whirlwind of guilt. Social media is littered with quotes about self-care, its importance and the value of allowing rather than forcing. Unfortunately for many, when it comes to practicing these ideas, sometimes it’s a fuel that doesn’t burn clean.
The reason guilt arises when taking time to rest is that we associate it so closely with our self-worth. Think of the term “contributing to society”. If you aren’t working, you’re dragging on everyone else. In order to be completely safe from the discomfort of such shame, many categorize rest as an afterthought to make time for once you’ve checked off everything on the list and pleased everyone. Entrepreneurs fight the battle even more vigorously, on their own schedule without the umbrella of a stable employer.
Even under doctor’s orders, we make excuses for all of the reasons we can’t take a break. “Nothing would get done.” “I would stop making money.” “I need to help everyone get their work finished.” Every single one of these excuses comes from the ego and its need to avoid criticism. The ego’s desire to protect itself from shame comes out in full force when it squares off against the old masculine paradigm so many in the Western world subscribe to. When you think your worth is inherently tied to how much you accomplish, the idea of resting can shake you to your core because you think your worth decreases with time spent not forging ahead.
Another reason that many people find themselves wrestling with balancing rest and work is that their morality comes into question as well. “Hard working” is nearly synonymous with being a worthwhile person; many even consider it the highest of compliments. On the contrary, calling someone lazy almost equates with calling them worthless. Even the quote, “What do you plan to do with your one sweet life?” from Mary Oliver’s The Summer Day has devolved from its original intent. In reality, the poem says being “idle and blessed” is the real meaning of life. It’s not a call to pour yourself into work at all — it’s a call to be happy first.
When the soul wants to create, it comes from within. The powerful tidal wave of inspiration cascades into your activities, bringing joy into the things you create out of pure love rather than obligation. The masculine paradigm insists this is a fantasy, that it will never support you and at some point, that it will give way to the things that feel like work again. However, masculine activities exist to make space for the feminine. Just like doing your taxes will allow you to stay in business, this phenomenon illustrates the perfect balance these two naturally create when you let them.
Attaching your sense of self-worth to anything external begets more striving without arriving. Once you get the perfect salary, you’ll find that you still need more. Once you have the title and all the busyness that comes with it, you’ll want more time to relax. This cycle is responsible for the mental health issues so many face. It directly opposes the truth — that every person’s worth is inherent within them and no title, bank statement or new car can move the needle.
In pulling the wool over everyone’s eyes, the masculine paradigm created a vicious cycle that eats its own. People burn out by 30, having to start over from scratch. Others reach their deathbeds and have nothing to show for their life but an enviable 401(k). Lasting contentment comes from consciously creating from the soul, which knows its worth depends on absolutely nothing that exists on the physical plane. Without the attachment to outcome for the ego’s sake, beautiful things come forth that change the world as you consciously create out of love.
The world is changing. Self-care is at the top of everyone’s list. I’d like to see more emphasis placed on alignment as a self-care modality, getting quiet to listen to the soul’s whispers rather than the screams of the ego. Alignment will get you places forcing never could. And while self-care is a bridge to this process, many need to fully disengage from the old masculine paradigm to tap into what they came here to create.
Next time you start to wonder if you’ve been resting or working too much, cut yourself some slack. Undoing hundreds of years of this belief system is going to take more than the decade in which things started to change. Instead of seeing rest as something to work around or an idea you need to reluctantly accept, start thinking of all the reasons you love your life. Likely, those revolve around the simple joys and stirrings of your soul. When you start to follow those instead of the constant hunger pangs from the ego’s appetite, you’ve freed yourself from the cycle. You can take the full amount of time you need to rest as you allow inspiration to come when it’s time. The truth of your being lies in the things that light your soul up, not the accolades that rest on your shelf.
