Toughness overcome

It’s during those challenging moments in life when you get opportunities to understand your true self. I am grateful I have had several. One such happened recently. I had a three hours long emotional “fight” with my four year old over a tantrum. And at the end of it, as we both relax, no longer able to fight, I asked to myself: Phew! which is tougher — my current role in a growing startup or being a mother?

Here’s a list of thoughts that came to my mind as I tried to find out the answer:

• At work, I have an awesome team to help me excel and grow. I hang around with leaders who I can have truly satisfying intellectual discussions. As a mother, I am by myself — be it attending my daughter’s school programs or be it fixing her recent disrespect for food [yeah, she pushed her plate of food because she got a small portion!]. I can seek help but I need more than the lengthy reading on child psychology. I cannot delegate this because I don’t want to. I am very independent by nature and I know this phase of motherhood is something I am going to miss later.
• Work is a great platform for me to explore and experiment ideas and fail and learn. I seek efficiency and automation in everything I do. Raising a child — experiments don’t work here. You’ve got to make sure you’re showing consistency hour by hour, day by day, month by month and year by year, to see true behavioural outcomes in your child. Bots ain’t gonna help me with time outs [at least not for the next few years when I need it].
• At work, no one is indispensable. Anyone quitting makes a short term impact but the show goes on. Talent exists everywhere and although right hires take a while, there will be plenty who will bring ideas to the table. As a mom, a little soul is crying for you and needs you. Her tiny hands can feel your hands and her cute little nose can smell you — you are unique. A parent [parent figure] shapes her personality and attitude; thereby affecting the choices she makes and the life she lives going forward. This is absolutely necessary, unless you want her to be like the poor infant monkey in Harlow’s experiment.
• Crisis doesn’t happen at work that often. Seriously, true crisis doesn’t — false crises, many. When left alone, our young ones are always exploring and if not taken care, these natural human quests can lead to crisis and sometimes “unnecessary” hospital runs.
• Lastly, I affirmed my perception from an awesome TED talk by Sheryl Sandberg that success and likability are negatively co-related to women than men. This happens at work [I am particularly very passionate to change this] but with motherhood, there is no definition or metrics for success. You and your child is fully embracing this relationship with love and there is no judgment [thankfully].

If you’re waiting for what my conclusion was, then sorry, there isn’t one which errs on one side. I love doing both and “the brick walls are there for a reason”.