Want to connect with people quicker? Be specific.
Connection. Despite one to the Internet being available everywhere, the word is all the rage nowadays. “We need to connect with more users.” “I just haven’t been connecting with anyone in this city.” The list goes on.
I’ve found people desiring human connection more and more. We want to network. Pick brains. Meetup. “Hack” our way to like-minded individuals. Coffee dates.
But could something as simple as being more specific be a step toward easier, more authentic connection?
Some seem to think so.
I had the pleasure of seeing an incredible MBA workshop hosted by the inimitable Ali Farahnakian. Ali uses applied improv to get attendants to present themselves at their best (also known as You+).
The exercise which enlightened me to view specificity as a road to connection was simple. Ali requested the participants to do something they do all the time: introduce yourself.
There was a pause in the room. Is this it? Introduce myself?
A confident young woman approached the podium. She began: “Hi, I’m Nina. I am pursuing an MBA degree from UNC-Chapel Hill. But after my classes, I go home and relax with my husband and two sons. I-”
Ali paused her: “What are their names?”
“Oh, Jason, Thomas, and Ryker.”
“What did you get your undergrad in?”
“I was planning on applied mathematics but switched to economics after two weeks.”
A laugh from the audience.
The lesson? Specifics give an audience something concrete to hold on and relate to. If you go too general, your message is lost in the weeds.
Maybe an audience member is named Jason, Thomas, or Ryker or knows someone who is. Maybe someone also switched out of applied math. Maybe someone enjoys talking about global monetary policy as much as you do.
Even if none of those things happen, the honesty and humility of your specificity speak volumes about your character.
Specificity can also signal your values.
A thirty second intro doesn’t seem like a lot of time. But due to this constraint, every word will carry weight. How do we want to use these heavy words? Saying the same thing as everyone else? Or separating ourselves from the gray, drab myriad of “got an MBAs” and “went to college ins”?
With Ali’s nudging, students began colorizing their intros. Immigrants from Delhi. Motorcycle enthusiasts. Trapeze. Bowling tournaments. Building cabins. The room filled with “ohs”, “ahs”, “hmms”, and laughter when appropriate.
Afterwards, students were meeting each other. They were alive. There wasn’t a “So where do you work?” in the room. Instead, “Where in Delhi did you live?” “I actually own a Harley myself.” “Did you say trapeze?”
This specificity attracted people to them. Sometimes it was due to a mutual interest, sometimes it was for questions, sometimes it was for further specifics.
After this exercise, I’ve been actively trying to incorporate specifics into my life. To name a few, explaining my interests despite their niche-ness (improv comedy, copyright law, cruciverbalism), telling people my plans for the weekend (it’s surprising how often I used to say “Not much”), or updating my LinkedIn summary to include more than just professional interests.
It’s been a short time since implementing specificity into my life. But I’ve connected with more people in these past few months than in a majority of last year.
Thanks Ali.
Gus Vieweg is the creator and host of Raleigh’s Triangle Improv Comedy Meetup. When he’s not improvising, you can find him programming, playing piano, and actively correcting his posture.
