We Need to Talk: Detoxing a Toxic Work Relationship

I’ve always loved the beginning of relationships. That magical time when we are just getting to know each other, learning how we think about the world and what matters most. We listen intently, compromise easily and love passionately. In these early days we are the best version of ourselves — thoughtful, respectful, communicative, interesting…and interested. This honeymoon phase is filled with a delicious mix of excitement, insecurity and possibility (and if you are like me, all three within minutes of each other).

As things progress, we start to become more comfortable with one another without the need to always be “on” (what I call the cuddle phase). Tentative advances turn into welcomed patterns and formal conversations into natural exchanges — signaling a deeper level of understanding and commitment. Before we know it, we are in a full-fledged Re-la-tion-ship (noun: the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected). For most of us this is a welcome milestone and means we are healthy, well-adjusted humans able to make meaningful connections (ok, maybe not always well adjusted but just go with it).

But sometimes — despite our best intentions — the budding relationship gives way to a bursting reality. The openness and communication offered so freely at the start is replaced with criticism or silence. We…