What I Learned From a God Complex Boss
Corporate atheism became my salvation.
Everyone encounters their own variety of bad bosses. You know the ones. Individually breaking every rule of leadership ever created.
Throughout my career, I’ve established an impressive collection of bad bosses.
What Flavour Would You Like?
The vacuum cleaner. This boss makes a lot of noise and just sucks. Sucks the life out of you and everyone around you. Creating an environment similar to a well-used vacuum bag; a dirty, nasty, whirlwind waiting to be dumped in the trash at the earliest convenience.
The statue. This boss holds a place in office display case. On display for all to see but does nothing else but collect dust. Turning a blind eye to issues, productivity and morale. Masters of delegation!
The bulldozer. This boss plows over everything. Pushing direction and ideas onto staff while burying the advice of subject matter experts. Always right and never asking for input. “My way or the highway!”
And many others, but let’s get to The King!
Enter Walter!
Before I skipped happily down the career path of Information Technology, I found myself working in a division of an industrial packaging plant.
The divisional structure split down the middle; management and plant workers.
And right there on top of the mountain like the burning bush was…Walter! He was every variety of bad boss imaginable combined into The God Complex!
Yes Sir! Mr. Burns Sir!
Ironically Walter’s appearance was identical to Mr. Burns from The Simpsons. It was like an artist sketched Walter transforming him into a cartoon character, creating Mr. Burns.
A frail and emotionless little man. Hunched and fragile posture with a balding head and a personality only a mother could love…maybe!
Walter’s “Command”ments.
It was not uncommon for Walter to lose his temper. Throwing office items across a room. Kicking boxes like an NFL Kicker. Using animated body language like an angry monkey in a cage.
Threats of employment loss and personal degradation were daily occurrences.
If errors occurred in reading paperwork, the one-on-one feedback meeting went something like this:
“You need glasses?” — Cue the box punt across the room.
“Because I’ll buy you fucking glasses!!”
If employees were caught being rough with product cases while loading pallets, Walter would sarcastically address it:
“So you wanna throw stuff eh?” As Walter performs his angry monkey dance with arms flailing about.
“Maybe we should get you on the fucking company baseball team!”
Walter was a real treat!
The Great Divide.
The division between management and plant workers was observed on a daily basis. Management looked at the plant workers as pawns. Expendable and sacrificed often.
In a confusing effort, Walter hosted semi-annual plant meetings. Often resulting in expanded divisional gaps.
One meeting stood out as the absolute worst!
Welcome to Church!
Employees entered a large room. 200 chairs organized in theater style rows. At the front of the rooms stood Walter, a podium and a blue plastic garbage barrel.
Walter appeared suspiciously happy. With an unusually upbeat tone and welcoming body language, he invited everyone to take a seat and get comfortable.
As expected, employees filled the room from the back row forward until everyone was seated.
Walter opened his dialogue. Discussing the plant’s declining profits and how he believed the hatchet between management and plant workers had to be buried. Joining forces as one cohesive team to reverse the trend of declining profits.
The Olive Branch.
At this point in the meeting, Walter pointed out the barriers between management and plant workers. Never more apparent than by the way the employees filled the room.
“See Folks! The back rows are full and first two rows are empty!”
Walter asked everyone to check under their chair. Each had an envelop taped to the bottom with cash in it!
Walter countered with:
“I was so confident that employees would fill from the back to front that I placed $50 bills in the 2 front rows. Every row back has less money, all the way to $1 coins in the back row.”
The room filled with chatter over their new found cash.
Walter called order to the room.
Temptation — Don’t Bite the Apple!
With the money now in the employees’ hands, Walter called out his next question while pointing at the blue plastic barrel at the front of the room:
“Now! Who would like to bring their money up and throw it in the barrel?”
Dazed and confused by the gift of cash, the employees quipped among themselves. The room became silent as nobody was willing put themselves in the spotlight. Everyone except…Luke, the janitor!
Luke stood from his last row seat. Tightly gripping his $1 coin between his thumb and index finger, he said:
“I’m in! I’ll play along!”
He strutted down the center aisle and tossed his coin in the blue plastic barrel.
That’s when it happened!
The Wrath of Walter!
The coin hadn’t stopped bouncing on the bottom of the barrel when Walter yanked the rug out from under the janitor.
“And it’s because of dumb-asses like this, throwing money away that we cannot turn a profit at this plant!”
Followed by a rant about how none of the staff should feel secure in their employment.
“You think I need any of you? I have a stack of resumes on my desk a foot high! I can have you all replaced by tomorrow!”
The meeting ended with the corporate division bigger than ever. Respect was non-existent. Employees left the room in disbelief.
Low morale re-energized by the meeting’s events.
Old Testaments.
Walter’s religious teachings were not for me. Nor did I see many others join his religion. The employees that did became baptized and accepted Walter’s communion as management.
Did I take Walter into my heart? No!
Thanks to Walter, I became a corporate atheist. I wanted to be everything Walter wasn’t. I knew how I wanted to live my corporate life. Treating co-workers with respect and honesty. Being part of a team with no divisions.
Above all, always striving to be a good human being!
Walter’s Gift.
There is one other action Walter performed during my tenure worth mentioning. He terminated 6 employees, myself included, days before Christmas. He was setting an example for others as the fired employees were being approached to join an existing union.
Jobless, I made the decision to return to school beginning my education and career path in Information Technology.
After many years, I worked my way up the corporate ladder to IT Management. Walter has absolutely influenced my management style.
A perfect example of what not to do!
THANK YOU WALTER!
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Scott Kennie is a metro-redneck. He’s worked in corporate information technology management for over 15 years. He considers himself a sarcastic realist. He’s also a Dad. He lives with his wife, three dogs and his alter ego; Bat Hubby who’s a racecar driver. His motto: live life and laugh all the way to the grave.
