What I Learned From Being Too Afraid to Post Anything for Two Months
My favorite joke is about a man that prays to a statue of a saint everyday for years, begging him to please, please let him win the lottery. Then one day, the statue of the saint comes to life and says, “My son, please buy a ticket!”
For the last couple months, I was the man in the joke. I desperately wanted to increase my online presence. I wanted my illustrations and articles to get popular. Yet, I refused to post anything. I created a Behance portfolio to up my chances of getting a new job, but I never created work for myself, much less posted it. When I came home, I was exhausted, angry, and feeling like shit. The client I was working with shut me down at every turn, causing me to question my worth not only at the company but also in my life. I felt useless.
Usually, had I been feeling mentally healthy, I would have soothed my feeling of uselessness by forcing myself to become productive again. I would make myself work out, draw, write, read, etc. Anything that would make me feel like I accomplished something would be on my to-do list.
My last job, which I quit late last year, had quashed my self esteem. I could barely bring myself create my own work. I could barely create quality work on the job. Some days I could barely get out of bed. I had this feeling that every time I typed something, or put pen to paper, or ventured into Photoshop, whatever I created had to be perfect. That paralyzed me.
It took me a while to be able to articulate to myself what was going on with me. I wasn’t lazy or losing my creativity, I was just pressuring myself to the point of shutting down. Though this was not a positive period in my life, I learned some valuable lessons from feeling like crap all the time. Hopefully you can take these lessons from me without having to feel like crap yourself.
Nobody else is perfect online, and you don’t have to be either.
I follow hundreds of artists and creators on social media. When they would post their sketches and works-in-progress, I would marvel at how something so unfinished could make such an amazing post. Thinking back to my own sketches, they couldn’t hold a candle to the ones I saw on Instagram every day. Or so I thought.
In reality, the people posting probably saw their works-in-progress the same way I saw mine. The difference was that they weren’t afraid to post it. Because of that, they seemed more real and relatable in addition to being more fun to follow.
I had to choose to either be afraid and only show the work I was most proud of, or be human and share my progress with the world. I’m beginning to choose the latter.
One shitty post does not equal a shitty account.
Especially on photo-based platforms like Instagram, I found myself staring at my pictures or drawings or designs, about to press the share button, and then deleting the drafted post altogether. I’ve been afraid to post anything that looks remotely bad.
What do I mean by “bad”? Well, it can mean a few different things. For one, the image could just be a crap image. Either the lighting is off, my lines aren’t crisp enough, it’s too grainy, etc. “Bad” can also mean that it doesn’t fit the aesthetic of my account. Which is interesting, because I haven’t even really defined what my aesthetic even is yet.
For some reason, I couldn’t get it through my head (and sometimes still can’t) that one bad post or drawing or article doesn’t make any of my accounts shitty. And it especially doesn’t make me a shitty creative.
It’s more authentic when you just let go.
One thing I admire about the many social media influencers I follow is how genuine they seem. Somehow, even when they are discussing their personal problems or just chilling out and vlogging on a groggy morning, I want to hang out with them and be their friend. I got so frustrated with myself for not seeming real enough. I looked at my work and only saw a poser. Then the negative self-talk started flowing, and I couldn’t get it to stop.
Now, I realize that the reason my favorite influencers seem so real is because they have just let go. They have accepted that they aren’t perfect, they know that one shitty post doesn’t make a shitty account, and they have just said to hell with it and pressed that share button.
Why have they done this? Because they are doing what they love.
So, my friends, to hell with it. I’m finishing this article at 10:35 PM on a Sunday night, I’m going to read over it once, and I’m going to slam that publish button with confidence. Because I’m being creative, and this is what I love.
This story is published in The Startup, Medium’s largest entrepreneurship publication followed by 290,182+ people.
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