What I Learnt from 100 Days of Meditation

Hint, I haven’t reached enlightenment just yet

Photo by Motoki Tonn on Unsplash

I have always had an interesting relationship with Meditation. I knew it was good for me and often enjoyed the experience of it, but I never relished the idea of doing it. The discipline of sitting down and doing ‘nothing’ seemed to be something I didnt have time for. So for a long time my habit of meditating waxed and waned. Coming with the seasons of success. Because when I felt I had achieved enough I found it easier to find time for meditation.

Inevitably in the space that meditation left I picked up stress, overwhelm and a whole load of depression. Which is when I realised I needed to make a change. A routine of things that tried to redress the balance of productivity and drive with moments of rest and acceptance. So I started meditating every day; morning and night. I got into a bit of a routine with it, until before long I was way past the 21 days it supposedly takes to form a habit. And then I carried on.

Recently I noticed the timing app I used told me I was on a 80 day streak, and as the countdown to 100 days of meditation morning and night grew ever closer I tried to figure out what I was still doing it for? Was it just the number at this point?

Today I reached 100 days. A milestone but actually not in the way I thought.

To be honest I thought today that I would have the wisdom of the ages to share with you. After 100 days of meditation surely I would have reached some sort of enlightenment which would allow me to bestow this newly discovered wisdom on you and we could all feel happy about how amazing meditation was.

The thing is today is just a day and I feel as mixed up as many other days. Wondering what the right thing to do in a specific situation, battling the feeling of being late for something I havent even started yet. In short, I haven’t reached enlightenment yet or if I have its far more confusing a state than I would have thought.

But I have definitely still gleaned some wisdom from those 100 days.

1. I meditate because it feels good
   I realised that if you do things for long enough that you end up enjoying them, you crave the familiarity of it and there is actually something wonderful about doing things that are ‘good for you’ especially when you want to do them. I will meditate tonight because I want to. Because it feels nice and I think it is slowly teaching me things.
2. I am learning to sit with discomfort
   Meditation is always a practice, until I reach enlightenment that is. But the point here is I am always flexing my presence muscle when I meditate. Which can quite often be uncomfortable, like when you realise there is hair on your face and it’s really itchy or that a fly might have landed on your nose and you really need it to leave. What 100 days has taught me so far is that I am still going to have the thought “ That fly needs to F*k off now” followed swiftly by the counter thought “sh*t lucie you are meditating focus on your breath.” But even with these thoughts I will still sit there and at some point it might go away. Really in these moments I am practicing the hard part of life; to sit with the discomfort. That’s it. Not to do anything about it, not to try and fix it, not to try and ignore it, but simply to sit there and get through.
3. Time spent with myself is some of the most valuable time
   I love other people but I veer on the slightly Introvert side and what Meditation is reminding me is that it is ok to crave time alone and to honour that. It’s easy to want to distract with other people or be getting on with something else. But I think I am learning a little bit more about what it means to look after yourself and build up faith in your ability to get through the discomfort alone.
4. I am more productive when I take time out
   Now I know we all know this is true and we can read it everywhere… taking a break is more productive than plowing through. But I guess what I am trying to get at isn’t that I am more producive each day, the jury is still out on that. But instead that the time spent meditating is helping me to build reserves. These reserves are precious tools in my need to regulate the ups and downs of my emotional and mental experience. The more reserves I have the more capable I feel of traversing what ever life throws my way. I not only have the practice but the energy for it.

Which I guess is the culmination of all the lessons. That time with and for ourselves is precious because the world is overwhelming and full and in the midst of all of that us and our experience is something to care for and protect.

So I am going to carry on meditating just as I have before, because of course the goal is still enlightenment but in the meantime I think sitting and breathing will do.