When Forced Optimism Creates a Downward Spiral
For the right people, positive affirmations can work wonders, but they are not a cure-all, and we have to stop promoting them as if they are. Telling people that if they just believe hard enough, all their problems will go away and good fortune and happiness will be theirs, is irresponsible.
It is great to have a positive attitude, and many people swear that training themselves to always look on the bright side of things, has completely transformed their life for the better. Feeling the glow of all that joyful energy naturally makes people want to spread it, and they will often say that if it worked for them, it can work for anybody. That’s when things get problematic because it simply isn’t true.
The idea that you can manifest all your heart’s desires simply by believing and feeling as though it’s already yours leads a lot of people to disappointment. For those with depression and anxiety, it can pull them into a downward spiral of exhaustion and self-loathing. I know this from experience. It is a road I have been down several times over the last decade.
Vision boards, meditations, inspirational quotes hanging in a cubical, motivational mantras on repeat in my mind, and even smiling at myself in the mirror and saying something nice, are only a handful of the attempts I have made at manifesting abundance and a better life for myself. I admit that sometimes, I did get a slight boost from it. That boost, however, has always been a precursor to the crash.
Life coaches will sell stories about hitting rock bottom and only having $20 to their name. They will tell you that they discovered a formula that not only pulled them out from the depths of despair but also brought them more prosperity than they knew what to do with. What they don’t mention is that they had resources already at their disposal. Maybe they had excellent credit and were able to take out a sizable loan to invest in their future. Maybe they didn’t have rent and bills to worry about. Maybe friends and family were supportive. Maybe they didn’t have to go to a full-time job and had the time and space to work on their goals and self-care. Maybe they weren’t already being crushed under a mountain of struggle and expectation that had taught them that if they can fail, they will. Rock bottom doesn’t look the same for everybody.
By telling people that all they need to do to change their life is to smile more and imagine that they already have everything good within their grasp, we are negating the very real difficulties that they may be facing. We are telling people that they are not allowed to feel their feelings or that their feelings are wrong.
The pressure to think positive can lead to even more negativity than a person started with. When people with depression and anxiety put so much effort into suppressing those feelings and clinging so tightly to positive thought, what happens when it doesn’t work? They blame themselves. They see failure. They see that things aren’t getting better even though they are trying. They follow all the steps, trying as hard as they can, and still they stagnate; or things get even worse. It sends them deeper into the pit of the desperation they were already fighting against. It becomes self-defeating and harmful.
If all it took were a strong enough belief, then Santa Claus would be real, and every child who believes would be getting that super nice game console under their tree regardless of their family’s financial status. There would be far fewer starving artists, and a lot more famous rock bands made up of middle-aged men finally chasing their dreams.
Belief alone is not enough. People need support and opportunity. They need time and access to resources. Some need medical assistance or childcare. What they do not need, is to be told that they aren’t trying hard enough and that if they truly wanted a better life, they’d manifest it. They don’t need to prove their belief by “investing” in a $1,000+ course with a life coach that has enough of their own drama going on, that they are proving the weakness of their own “product.”
Sometimes things suck, and sometimes that is through no fault of our own. How we choose to respond to those situations is what really matters. If we choose to sit and stew in self-pity, we aren’t likely to break free. If we tell ourselves that the bad is irrelevant because we can smile our way through it, we will never resolve the issues that lead us to that spot to begin with. Plenty of people start out wholeheartedly believing in their dreams, yet find themselves facing nightmares. The subconscious doesn’t forget those experiences and is a lot harder to convince to trust in optimism.
Some of us can get a lot further with resilience than with positive thinking.
