When Getting Attention Becomes the Goal for Everything
Who doesn’t want more attention. But have we lost touch with natural enjoyment and how do we balance externalized versus innate happiness?
Actor Joseph Gordon-Levitt recently gave a Ted Talk about how working to get attention detracts creativity, even happiness. The irony was that he was delivering this speech on a red carpet in front of thousands, and this very paradox made me write this article.
I don’t think we can ever completely rid the desire of wanting special attention. We love attention and since we came out of the womb, that’s all we wanted from our parents. And from friends. Then from thousands or millions of followers we don’t even know.
But I think with the cultural shift of “me” capitalized through virtual profiles, we subconsciously bought the script that gaining more attention would become our main fast track to happiness. We learned how to make our lives look good through Instagram stories and clever Facebook posts, but we also felt the tug to live in the present, like those fully actualized folks.
Ezra Klein, journalist and co-founder of Vox, talked about how we fail in happiness, specifically regarding work. In his podcast episode on American workism, he referenced the book Flow, saying that the joy of work comes from an internal reward, but all of social media is the brutal externalization.
“The sheer pressure to externalize your entire life inherently takes away from the thing that has been scientifically proven to make us happy which is the pure act of enjoying it,” he said.
Throughout the episode, Klein was not demonizing social media but addressing the fallacies of human logic. The immediate feedback on digital platforms feels great but the question is whether we are externalizing happiness at the expense of the natural, while thinking we are achieving the innate happiness we all want?
In early September, I had the privilege to watch the Indonesian Diversity show at New York Fashion Week. Back in the early days, before my mom literally threw away our TV to God knows where, I watched Project Runway religiously with my older sister. So, to say the least, watching models strut incredible designs firsthand was enlivening.
But I remember one of the first thoughts I had was how I didn’t have my phone. I wanted to take videos and put them on my Instagram story and send them to my parents to show that I didn’t completely fail in my attempts to start from scratch in New York.
And the excuse of “remembering the event” is bull because the army of professional cameras crammed in the back would take much better footage.
So without my phone camera I fed my eyes instead. I scanned through the rows of guests, looked at how models approached the walk differently, and watched how each piece was represented. Sure, I could have noticed the same things even with a phone in hand. But I think coming to an event with publicizing off the table gave the experience a greater sense of intimacy.
The conversation about innate versus externalized happiness is ongoing. Maybe despite what Gordon-Levitt and Klein proposed, you think focusing on gaining more attention and publicizing your life is the main way to happiness. And by all means. Or maybe you’re thinking, I already knew that, and you have obliterated all social media accounts. And by all means.
But I think for the rest of us who are caught in the middle we can agree that happiness should be less of which, and more on when.
For instance, you’ve been in the dark for a while and you finally achieved something noteworthy that you want to share. You make a post with a proud caption, and you get lots of support even from people you don’t know. And that kind of encouragement may motivate you to work harder and stay hopeful for the next win.
Or on the other hand, you’ve been repeatedly posting your music or videos online to get validation for your work but the response is disappointing. So you decide to redirect your focus from the level of attention you are receiving to the amount of attention you’re devoting to your work and allow yourself to enjoy the slow process of improvement.
That’s why Gordon-Levitt mentioned in his Ted Talk that he appreciates acting because the craft allows him to pay attention to one thing. Once he hears “Rolling…” and the repetitive sequence before he acts on set, his focus immediately narrows and he’s living in the moment.
But he’s also ashamed of his low Instagram following compared to other celebrities and how “there’s no amount of attention you can get where you feel like you’ve arrived.”
And so we’re reminded of how we’re all human. We all want more validation and attention. But whether with our art or daily moments, we can choose how we tap into authentic happiness, whichever way most needed.
