When You Fail, Just Try Again
The psychological effect of failure and how to overcome it
I announced to the world that I wake up at 5 a.m. every day. I lied. I try to wake up at 5 a.m. Sometimes, I succeed. But often, I wake up at 5:03, or 5:17, and on a bad day — and this only happens around once a month — 6 a.m.
I’m not trying to brag that even when I fail waking up early, I still wake up early. I’m serious: the failure bothers me, more than you might think. Every time I wake up later than my pain, I feel actual physical pain, like a stormy cloud striking rain and lightning on my mind. On better days, I get out of bed and move past it. On worse days, I start to hate myself, lay in bed, and wonder if I’m “good enough” to wake up at 5 a.m.
Failure’s psychological torture
It sounds ridiculous because it’s not like the world is going to end if I wake up a little later. In fact, the only consequence is that I’ll get in a little less writing time before work. But it’s a goal, and when I fail to meet goals I set for myself, the universe sends a surge of black dread through my body that rests at the bottom of my gut, a sticky black mess that won’t leave. It makes me ask myself: Should I just give up? Maybe put your head down and sleep until you need to wake up.
