Why am I so difficult to work with?
My life as a professional in creative industries has been marred with subtle insinuations that I am, in some way, difficult. I am always loudly acknowledged as knowledgeable, the expert, the point-of-contact for X — but quietly and subtly inferred to be some form of “difficult”, through comments about the “way” I explain things, requests to “speak less” in meetings, and casual accusations of co-workers I barely interact with being “scared of” me.
These recurring insinuations have led to years of introspection and softening spoken, written tone and direction until I’ve effectively become an ineffective communicator. It’s led to repeated crises of confidence, not disputing other’s versions of events, apologizing for other’s mistakes and errors, and general underlying anxiety about who I am, how I interact, and why. Every time another insinuation is made, or another comment passed, I shrivel further into myself, until I feel like a shell of myself, seemingly unable to grow and change despite all my best efforts to do so.
And then, I came across this tweet.
