Why I Refuse to Edit Filler Words Like “Sorry” Out of My Emails

Additional emotional labor won’t make women more confident communicators

Photo by Evan Dvorkin on Unsplash

I’m the type of person who overthinks everything that comes out of my mouth. Whether I’m speaking aloud, writing, or typing, I self-edit and closely examine my words to make sure they convey the meaning I intend.

I also put thought into how I word my texts and emails — since tone and body language can’t be expressed through mere pixels on a screen, I try to make the words I type sound super friendly. I’m well aware of the phenomenon where words sound meaner in writing — even when the words are intended in a nice way, you hear a harsher tone in your head. I’ve noticed I compensate unconsciously for this by softening my emails with qualifiers and filler words (just, sorry, I think, maybe, actually, etc.).

I think this is a positive trait in many ways — I see myself as not as just an overthinker, but as a skilled communicator who’s highly attuned to social cues.

So when a colleague recently scolded me for “sounding too unsure” of myself in my emails and urged me to “remove all the filler words,” I was resistant. When he told me it would help me “feel more confident” and assertive, I was skeptical. (It doesn’t help that this colleague’s emails…