Why the goals you’ve set in 2018 are pointless (unless you’ve done this one thing)
A New Year brings many things, like a brand-spanking new list of personal goals…After all, it’s a chance to start afresh. A renewed sense of motivation (usually because the progress principle is heightened). In my case it also brought me a few unwanted kilos of festive cheer. But I guess I’m not on my own there, right? Right.
For all of us* a new year gives us a chance to refresh our plans for the future and set goals accordingly.
*except the New Years grinches. You know them right? They’re the peeps saying ‘it’s just another day of the year’ or ‘New Years resolutions are lame’ or ‘why don’t I have any friends anymore and live alone with my cat with both of us eating canned tuna?’
You’ve probably even come up with a list of goals already. And that’s a good thing because goals are powerful; yet most people set the wrong goals. Or, rephrasing, most people set the wrong type of goals.
So what are the right type of goals for you to set in 2018?
Well firstly, let’s look at the wrong type of goals people set.
Goals of the past
Sounds a little like a character in Dickens doesn’t it? Goals of Xmas past. But for far too many people their goals are simply an extension of previous experience rather than a genuine future state. This is why these goals don’t last, or be successful. They’re classic ‘meh’ goals. Tick-a-box goals.
These generally take two forms; a) they’re another attempt of a previous goal not achieved, or b) they’re simply and incremental improvement on a previous goal attained. D’ya see the problem problems with that? Either way, the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour. So you’ve consigned yourself to a systematic failure or just more of the same.
The second of these outcomes suits the person with high achievement drive; why not align your goals to pretty much what you’ve always done? There’s a good chance you’ll achieve it (tick) but the problem is once the temporary high of achievement is satiated you’ll be miserable with the groundhog nature of the achievement (cross). Cue burnout in 3, 2, 1…
Goals created through pain
There’s no doubt pain can be a powerful motivator. We are, at the core of our being, a hedonistic animal. We seek pleasure and avoid pain. It’s only the rare circumstances (such as benign masochism) where we deviate from this path. Yet therein lies a problematic foundation for your goal to be built on.
Do you really want your future based upon the pain of the past?
The simple thing is that sometimes a simple reframe can produce stunning results in goal setting. For example;
I’m not going to date losers in 2018 is a terrible goal. It might be an OK boundary to set though. But as a goal, it stinks. Because when you think about it, where is the focus? It’s on the concept of someone being a loser. You’re going to focus on that key element, which is likely to attract exactly what you wish to avoid.
Similarly I’m going to avoid crap food again puts the source of pain at the heart of your goal structure, invariably leading to a focus on the problem rather than solution. Krispy Kreme headed your way.
What about reframing those goals into the following; I’m going to focus on finding a loving relationship—starting with myself, (thats more a Macro goal) and I’ll start each day in 2018 with a first meal containing only whole foods (Micro goal). Either is eminently more powerful than the pain-based alternative.
Goals of others
This is a huge mistake for many, yet we’re often entirely unaware it’s happening. Whether we like to admit it or not, the vast majority of our behaviour is determined by conditioning via external cues. Unconsciously our environment shapes so much of what we are day-to-day, so it gives to reason that if we’re not conscious about this fact, the our goals will be a representation of external, rather than internal, factors.
These types of goals fall short for a couple of reasons.
Firstly, they’re actually not yours. Secondly, they’re NOT YOURS. Geddit? Sometimes the only thing worse than not achieving a goal is actually achieving someone else’s. All that effort, for all the wrong reasons. So rethink goals that are created by society, by your parents, by those clever marketing folk…and create goals for you. For your heart, your mind, your soul.
Time to look back over your goals
So if you’ve been a busy beaver and already compiled a list of goals for 2018, hat tips and high fives to you. But now you have a little diagnostic to go back over those goals and assess them. Are they goals of the past, pain or others?
Go on, grab a cup of coffee/tea, sharpen your pencil and review those goals. See you in a few minutes…[cue elevator music]
Great! So you’re done. What was the result? Were your goals massacred or did they survive? Did a voice start in your head saying ‘what would he know anyways’ or ‘I like my goal and I’m gonna keep it!’.
That’d be normal. If you love your goals (in spite of where they come from) then hey, you go for it. But regardless if you’re still on the fence, or ready to unleash on a new, improved set of goals, let’s take a look at yearly goals that are hugely impactful.
Goals that really stick
OK. We’ve covered the biggest flaws in goal construct, let’s finally discover what the magic ingredient is in big, meaningful goal formation.
You ready? OK, bring it in close…huddle up.
Your goals should align with your emergent identity.
What f*ck is an emergent identity? Fair question. Let’s answer it in two parts, shall we?
- Your identity is a collection of beliefs (thoughts you hold to be true) about your past, present and future. It has a massive impact on what you focus on (think reticular activating system) and shapes our attention and effort. It’s working 24/7 at both a conscious and sub-conscious level. Never stops. No off switch.
- Your emergent identity is a psychological construct where your old identity structure is undergoing change and in turn the first decisions and behaviours are surfacing for the world to see. In simpler terms, you and others notice a change in your baseline behaviours and world views.
Why emergent identity matters in goal setting
Y’see far too many people construct their goals around their previous identities, or worse, the identity of someone else. But when you set your goals around who you’re becoming, those goals become a powerful tool to accelerate the journey. But if your goals aren’t aligned to this future self…
The rubber band theory
A great mate of mine Rowdy McLean once introduced me to the concept of ‘rubber banding’. Now before you think this is some 50 shades type of thing, it’s about where your attachments lie.
Imagine you have two posts (think stake in the ground, not a blog post) in your life. One post is in front of you, one is behind you.
Here’s the thing; there’s going to be a rubber band attached to one. It’s non-negotiable. You’ll either get pulled towards the post in front of you, or be pulled to the post behind you. It’s your choice which one you attach to.
By setting your goals aligned to your emergent identity, you’ll be attaching yourself to your future state. That why these goals are so powerful.
So before you set your 2018 goals in stone, I’d urge you to do the following;
1. Assess your draft goals against the common mistakes (past, pain and others). Be ruthless and drop them. As attractive as the sense of achievement would be in ticking them off, ultimately they’ll compete with the best version of yourself.
2. Set your yearly goals around your emergent identity.
2a. If you aren’t clear about what your emergent identity is, work on this first before you set the goals).
I’ll go into more details about how to gain clarity around your emergent identity in another post soon. Be sure to follow me so you don’t miss it.
I trust 2018 is an amazing year for you. Your best one yet.
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