Without Boundaries, You End Up Feeling Caged

When I was little I thought setting boundaries was telling someone what they can or cannot do. To me, the concept of setting a boundary felt negative and only related to personal space or rejection.

No, you cannot sit next to me.

No, I don’t want to play capture the flag with you.

According to my little kid brain, boundaries were not nice. My definition of boundaries didn’t evolve for decades.

Until it had to.

At age 28, I found myself living in a city and an apartment I didn’t really want, with my beloved boyfriend, who really wanted to be there.

We moved to Denver together because he had gotten his dream job and I, well I loved him so deeply I could live anywhere. “My dreams are portable! I’m a free spirit, what’s another new city?” I boasted about my flexibility.

In that moment, all I wanted was to be as supportive as possible and make him happy.

Consequently, I rushed my job search. I accepted it for the sake of timeliness with the move. I found myself hiking and skiing every weekend, something my NYC spirit secretly resented and didn’t appreciate (What happened boozy brunch? What’s all this fresh air?). I rarely worked on building up my coaching practice because on the weekends I didn’t…