Writers: “Kill Your Darlings” But Love Your Ugly Babies
The truth about my art, creation, and murdering ways
As a content creator, I play with symbols and meaning all day.
But, in truth, I’m a murderer — a mass murderer, in fact. Not of people, of course, but of language. Oh, and I also give birth to a ton of ugly babies.
Murdering and birthing ugly babies has made me an excellent living.
Here is what the hell I’m talking about and why any of it matters.
Confessions of a Literary Serial Killer
In the world of writing, there’s a term that’s frequently used: “kill your darlings.”
It refers to the merciless act of cutting your favorite lines or paragraphs from your writing if they don’t serve the overall story or argument. It’s painful but necessary.
In my journey as a writer, I’ve slain many darlings.
In fact, I’ve turned it into an art. I’ve written three novels, one of which is a series about a reincarnated serial killer who is trying not to become a serial killer in this life, called Past Lives.
And let me tell you, that series required some serious darling-killing.
Beautifully crafted prose, witty lines, heartfelt dialogues — all left on the cutting room floor. But it was worth it. The novels turned out tighter, the pacing improved, and the reader experience enhanced.
With every darling killed, my writing got better.
You Must Be a Meticulous and Merciless Murderer
Stephen King once said, “Kill your darlings, kill your darlings, even when it breaks your egocentric little scribbler’s heart, kill your darlings.”
The purpose of this murderous advice is to help writers let go of their self-indulgence. When you’re too in love with a sentence or a paragraph, you can become blind to its flaws.
That’s why you must wield the red pen like a ruthless executioner.
If a sentence or paragraph doesn’t serve the narrative, no matter how beautiful it is, it must go. Trust me, you’ll feel better afterward. Your writing will be more focused, and your audience will thank you.
But You Also Need to Love Your Ugly Babies
Despite all the talk of murder, there’s another, perhaps even more important, aspect to the writing process: loving your ugly babies.
What do I mean by that?
I’m talking about your first drafts or early prototypes. They’re going to be messy, incomplete, and, well, ugly. But you have to love them, nurture them, and show them off.
Your first drafts are where you get to experiment, make mistakes, and find your voice.
You need to write them down, no matter how rough or raw. Share them with trusted readers who can give you feedback and help you shape your ugly baby into a beautiful work of art.
I first heard the concept of “loving your ugly babies” on Tim Ferris’ podcast interview with Justin Gary.
For example, I’ve written countless blog posts on my portfolio of websites about different topics. Also, a couple of books. My first drafts of my books are always a mess, but I show them off anyway.
At this stage of creation, you don’t need perfection. You need feedback. And the feedback I receive helps me refine my ideas and polish my writing.
I love my ugly babies, and so should you.
This Is What Happens When You Don’t Kill Your Darlings (All Hell Breaks Loose)
Let me paint you a picture.
Imagine writing an epic saga, a masterpiece of 400 pages. But, oh wait, you forgot to kill your darlings, and now it’s a sprawling mess of 600 pages. Good job, darling-saver!
Your book now contains 200 extra pages of flowery prose, tangential subplots, and irrelevant character backgrounds that your readers neither want nor care about.
What happens next?
You’ll probably end up confusing, boring, or even alienating your readers. They’ll struggle to follow the plot, get lost in the sea of unnecessary details, and eventually put the book down.
This is the massive risk you run when you don’t kill your darlings.
You sacrifice your writing’s clarity, pace, and overall impact on the altar of self-indulgence. Don’t do it. Have the guts to slice those darlings out of your manuscript, and keep the story flowing and engaging.
Exactly How to Balance Creative Murder and Birth
The process of killing your darlings and loving your ugly babies might seem contradictory, but it’s all about balance.
Here’s a quick step-by-step guide to help you:
- Embrace the Ugly — Understand that your first drafts won’t be perfect. They’re meant to be rough and raw. Write freely and let the words flow.
- Feedback Is Your Friend — Share your drafts with trusted readers who can provide constructive criticism. Feedback will help you shape your writing and make it better.
- Kill with Purpose — When editing, evaluate every sentence and paragraph. Ask yourself: does this serve the story or argument? If not, kill it. Be ruthless but fair.
- Rebirth and Reiteration — After killing your darlings, revisit your draft. Fill in the gaps, refine your ideas, and polish your prose. Iterate until you’re satisfied.
- Learn from the Process — Pay attention to the feedback you receive and the darlings you kill. Learn from your mistakes and keep improving as a writer.
How to Embrace Your Ugly Babies
The first step to embracing your ugly babies is to get over your ego.
Look, I get it. We all want to be Shakespeare or Hemingway right out of the gate, but the reality is, even the greatest writers had ugly first drafts. Let go of your ego, and allow yourself to write badly.
Realize the power of raw.
Your ugly babies are pure, unfiltered creativity. They’re the seeds of something beautiful. They may be rough around the edges, but they’re full of potential.
Embrace the mess, and learn to see the beauty in the raw and unpolished.
Here’s something else to consider: we rarely get to see the invisible drafts of our favorite creators. You know, the outtakes, the creative blooper reels, the countless iterations that never made it to the final cut.
But they exist.
Every successful writer, artist, or creator has a pile of ugly babies hidden in a drawer somewhere.
That sounds super creepy. But your ugly babies deserve your love and attention, and with time, they might just turn into beautiful creations that captivate and inspire others.
Final Thoughts
Being a writer means embracing both the joys and pains of creation.
You have to be willing to kill your darlings and love your ugly babies. It’s a delicate balance, but it’s one that will make you a better writer.
Go ahead, slay those darlings, and shower your ugly babies with love.
It’s the cycle of (creative) life.
