The Startup
Published in

The Startup

You Complete Me!

Of all the things that I hear girls say about their boyfriends, “you complete me” is the most barfworthy. What are you that you need completing? An unfinished project? An imperfect creature, a flawed individual from birth, running around to find its other half in order to operate properly?

Far from me to say what each one of us needs in life to be fulfilled and I have advocated again and again that a solid relationship with the right guy is a vital part of a happy life. I find it challenging however when I meet weepy women who maintain that they are incomplete because their guy left or they have not found one yet. For all of you feminists out there, have you ever heard a guy say this? Also, do you know how much guys detest being relied on and needed in this profound way? I will go a step further to say that the whole concept is artificially created by us women as a form of entrapment. Make the guy feel that he is part of the foundation of the house, and should he decide to leave the whole structure will come crashing down and his partner will roam the earth as an incomplete and imperfect being.

I am not the sort of girl that demonstrates for women’s rights or goes around burning bras. I am however, very much a believer in the independence of the parties within the relationship. And what is a relationship after all? Two people are attracted to each other, they have common interests and beliefs, and they decide to be together and often, build a life together. Now imagine the pressure on this relationship, if either party is the one of a kind special piece that completes the other and should the two pieces drift apart it is a catastrophic event that will be unrecoverable. Really? In what kind of fantasy land does this happen? In fact, the proof is all around you. People break up, often after very long relationships and they find other people to be happy with. Is it because we have a generic shape that can complete many partners?

With this post, I would like to reach out to all my fellow women who perpetuate this myth, often to their detriment. Nobody out there completes you. You are complete and perfect all on your own and if you are lucky to find a guy that you can have a magical relationship with, I salute you. And if your relationship lasts a life time, good for you. But don’t tell me, or him that he completes you.



Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Alexandra Filia

Author of the Dream series for women, I love to help women find happiness.