Instructions for Sybarites
How to Make Out in a Camaro
I walked so you could run.
If you are an American, someday you will go on a date and be asked to make out in a Camaro. You must say yes, because it’s the the law and you love your country. It’s like the draft, but for everybody.
No one knows when that day will come. For a lucky few, it will happen before they turn thirty, when they are still bendy. My Camaro Make Out Day arrived a few days ago. I am 52, and was therefore concerned. Not only am I not bendy, I have frozen shoulder, a bad knee and nerve damage from a bout of shingles I suffered through when I was 47 because you can’t get the shingles vaccine before you turn 50, which is another stupid law.
First, you must go on a date with someone who owns a Camaro. I suppose you can ask everyone who asks you on a date whether they own a Camaro, but I didn’t do it that way.
Instead, I spent a lifetime in toxic and immature relationships, only to find myself single at 50. Then I spent about two years lying down, then I told everyone I was never dating again, then I had a weird affair that ended in June of 2022, then I lay down again, then I again announced I was not dating but really meant it this time because no one thinks women over 50 are fuckable, so why bother?
