The Levain Cookie is Bad
Veritas Omnia Vincit
*Co-written by Harris Sockel because we are patriots. You can find our other collab here.
Despite what you have heard, the Levain cookie is bad.
You may be unaware of the Levain cookie, because it is only available in New York, Los Angeles, Boston, Chicago, and Washington, DC. But make no mistake, the Levain cookie is coming for you.
What is the Levain cookie? It’s a six-ounce pile of dough stuffed with chocolate chips and walnuts. It resembles a scone more than a cookie and sells for $6. It’s billed as the perfect indulgence, the platonic ideal of a baked good: oversized, golden, crispy on the outside and gooey on the inside. It’s the cookie your best friend, mom, sister, cousin, or aunt have told you is the best they’ve ever had.
History will show that your best friend, mom, sister, cousin or aunt — people you love and respect — have been duped, fed a series of lies. They should have known they were lies, because they are human beings with eyes and a sense of taste. But the lies are repeated with such authority that your best friend, mom, sister, cousin, or aunt have robotically repeated them too. After all, it was their best friend or mom who told them the same lie.
