The Experience of the Founder’s Spouse

In a special survey, 74% of founder’s spouses said the startup is the most dominant factor in their lives

Much has been written about being a startup founder — the ups, the downs, the uncertainty, the exhilaration. And when thinking about founder relationships, the focus is often on the relationship between co-founders (see our survey here). But what about the real-life, non-startup relationship? We were curious: What is it like being married to a startup (and its founder…)? How does it impact the relationship? Home life, especially when there are children? The spouse’s career?

Following are findings from a survey of over 60 founder spouses, a demographic that has received relatively little attention.

Tell me a little about yourself…

For most participants, the relationship came before the startup, and includes kids. Most of the spouses work. It might not surprise you to learn that 90% were women.

The Startup that stayed for dinner

No surprise, startups are all-consuming not just for the founder. When asked to what degree the startup runs their lives, nearly half of the respondents provided a rating of 4 on a 5-point scale, and another 26% rated it as a perfect (ie, all-consuming) 5.

Sharing the load

Most respondents (60%) report that they carry most of the physical and mental load at home (including handling kids), compared to 37% who feel that the division is equitable. Interestingly, there is no difference between those who work and those who don’t.

Help?

In part, the sense of an unequal division of labor may stem from the fact that 66% of the respondents don’t have family or paid help providing meaningful assistance at home. Interestingly, this pattern holds even when people have had a significant financial upside from the startup. Out of the respondents who already made major money, 48% still reported not having significant help.

Where are you?

But even beyond daily routines, only one-third of respondents feel that their founder spouse is present and able to hear and address their needs and difficulties. 90% attribute this lack of availability to their spouse being a founder.

I am the shoulder

Consistent with the perspective shared by founders in an earlier survey, spouses play a significant role in supporting their partner on work-related matters. Interestingly, 28% said they wished their spouse shared more with them and another 28% said they worry about their spouses’ well-being.

Yours or ours?

Somewhat unintuitively, only 30% feel like they are part of the startup’s success and challenges. Among those who don’t have kids, there is a higher sense of the startup being ‘theirs’ (45%) vs. only 26% of spouses with children.

Career = Happiness

The vast majority of founder spouses work either full-time (70%) or part-time (15%).

Nearly a third reported that their career was negatively impacted by their spouse’s dedication to the startup. What was surprising, however, was that 68% reported either no impact on their career, or a positive impact, pointing to their spouse’s network and connections or because they were inspired/motivated by their spouse’s success.

And working full-time, it turns out, is a big positive for people married to founders.

Of the women who work full time, 60% are happy with the division of labor at home (vs. 30% among women who reduced or stopped work.).

Similarly, spouses who work full time are more satisfied with the level of support they are giving their spouses: 79% of those who work full time are satisfied vs. 40% of those who took a step back in their career. Importantly, this finding holds true, regardless of the amount of support respondents report giving.

And in perhaps the strongest indication of the importance of a career, 75% of spouses who have experienced a significant financial upside from their spouse’s startup continue to work full-time.

Say yes all over again…

At the end, and despite all the complexities, the vast majority of respondents would not have wanted their partner to choose another career path.