Why “We Can’t Afford It” is the Wrong Answer for Your Kid

Alex Ellison
Aug 25, 2017 · 3 min read
London Scout

I gave a free presentation a while ago to a group of Girl Scouts and their parents about planning for college. A mom came up to me after my talk and asked me what I charge for my education consulting services. I told her and her blank stare gave way to a follow up question:

And what about for the single moms, like me, who have no money whatsoever?

Her daughter stood beside her.

I never justify my prices. I know they’re fair. I offer many free workshops and talks, like the one that very night, and I offered her the opportunity to take advantage of the many workshops I offer throughout the year, which are all at a very (very) reasonable price.

She seemed satisfied with that answer, but I was left deeply unsatisfied with her question. I was more troubled by this because of what I’m seeing elsewhere in the news and increasingly, in my practice.

When parents talk about not having enough, they leave lasting impressions on their kids.

In a report about the generation of students currently in high school and college — Gen Z — we learned that these kids are much more pragmatic, more concerned with things like ROI and their immediate job prospects after graduation. They, unlike the Millennials, are much more concerned with money (making more of it and not spending as much of it). This shows in my daily interactions with this generation as a guidance counselor.

Reading these findings confirmed the trends I was seeing anecdotally in my own practice. From 2012 to today, I’ve noticed a steady shift in the attitudes of students toward greater realism, practicality and, well, money. These kids worry more about money than I’ve ever seen before. It’s making them stress more, risk less, give up dreams for plans, and all of this at an age I associate with idealism.

This all sounds quite positive on the surface, right? Our kids are finally more mature and focused. They are finally more independent and career-minded. We finally have had our prayers answered and have kids who will get their heads out of the clouds and be tax-paying, law-abiding, contributing members of society!

This scares me.

It scares me when I see my students avoiding the riskier routes.

It scares me that I am not hearing high-school students say, “I want to be an astronaut. The president. The first….”

I’m amazed at how quickly students will shoot down opportunities out of fear of the cost. Rather than, “I’ll figure out a way to afford it,” it’s, “I can’t afford it”.

Call it mature. Call it fiscally responsible. Both are true.

Gen Z kids were in their formidable years when the Great Recession hit their families hard. That’s going to leave a mark, but it doesn’t have to be a permanent one.

What is also true is that when driven by a feeling of lack, a desire for safety and a fear of risk, “responsible” behavior quickly becomes irresponsible behavior because growth cannot happen in this mindset.

Rather than tell your kids, “We don’t have enough,” try challenging them by asking, “How can we afford that? How can we make that happen?”

Alex Ellison is an independent college admissions counselor, education consultant, and speaker who’s presented at TEDx, SXSW, and more. To learn more about her work, click here.

The Synapse

Authentic voices in education. To join us, tweet @synapsepub.

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Alex Ellison

Written by

Student-centric college planner & education consultant. Teen advocate. NU Wildcat. TEDx and SXSW speaker. | www.alexellison.com

The Synapse

Authentic voices in education. To join us, tweet @synapsepub.

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