“I started masturbating when I was three years old…” 003

Female // USA

William Stilt // Unsplash.com

I was raised to view sex…

As the consummation of marriage. I was raised christian, promise ring included. Sex was deeply tied to virtue and a woman’s (and also man’s) worth. I do have friends that have only slept with one partner and I do feel that it is what’s best, for some. I still have a part of me that idolizing those who were satisfied enough (or less curious) to be perfectly pleased with exactly one partner. There is a purity and innocence that is tied to those who have limited (in terms of partners) sexual experiences. I however have led a much different path.

My view on sex has changed…

Quite a bit. I now feel that sex is a very natural vital experience that humans are so blessed to enjoy. Sex is a release. It is a way to connect. Breathe, feel yourself and your partner, and momentarily let go of your brain. Sex can be binding, bonding and liberating all at the same time. A rare form of conjunction.

An “aha” moment in my sex life…

I have had very strong sexual instincts from a very young age. I started masturbating when I was three years old. Which I’m sure gave my mother a mini heart attack. (Possibly what lead to the beguiled promise ring.) Of course at the age of three, I was blissfully unaware of what I was doing. I just knew that I liked it, it made me feel good. I learned quickly though that it was a “no-no”. I continued to masturbate in secret all through my childhood. I didn’t have an “aha” moment until I was in sixth grade in sex ed class. When I finally put the pieces together, I felt a tinge of guilt, but it was not enough to make me stop. I couldn’t understand how something so pleasurable could be so horrible. It relaxed me, released stress, grounded me, pleased me deeply.

What really kills the mood…

If I’m thinking, I’m not at the place I want to be at when I am having sex. I don’t like talking during sex all that much, it requires thinking. I hate it when I feel my partner and I are not moving together, but separately. To me sex is a very intimate experience where you are physically sharing your bodies. The sex that interests me is when the physical act of sex transcends into a spiritual plane. You are no longer just bodies, you are outside of your bodies, free from pain and weight that incompass the physical world. Your souls meet like colors on a canvas, light as air. I want to share breath, rhythm and ecstasy.

The best sex ends with mutual orgasm, no question. I know there are times and moments where this is just not possible, that’s life. There are different moments where your personal feelings will alter the kind of sexual experience you are having. Sometimes a partner will feel lack of control, so they assert control sexually. Sometimes a partner will be feeling very vulnerable and will need extra tender care and appreciation. Sex is like medicine and can be a very healing experience, as well as a taxing one. Learning and knowing what you are comfortable with; knowing how to communicate needs, wants and boundaries are essential to creating a conducive environment. One where you and your partner can begin to transcend the physical realm, if that interests you. I strive for those moments. I want to connect with another human being and feel beyond, into an unknown, undefinable, liberation.

One clap, two clap, three clap, forty?

By clapping more or less, you can signal to us which stories really stand out.