A Different Definition of Success
In my travels, I have been surprised to find that our mental prowess or intelligence quotient (IQ) seems to have much less to do with our ability to live a successful life than I would have thought. I know plenty of very smart people who are not—by any definition—successful. I’ve found that one’s emotional intelligence quotient (EQ), on the other hand, seems to have a great deal to do with whether a person becomes successful. That’s why my submissions to this collection are dedicated to exploring the lessons, principles, and tools that I have found to develop EQ. Before I dive into describing those lessons, though, I think it’s important to clarify what I’m talking about when I speak of being or becoming successful and, perhaps, more importantly, to define what I am not talking about. And that’s where I’ll start.
When I use the word “success,” I am not talking about what I believe many people will immediately presume. My definition of success does not pertain to creating financial wealth; amassing power or material goods; gaining notoriety, fame, or prestige; realizing personal or professional accomplishment, advancement, status, or title; or achieving interpersonal (whether professional, personal, or sexual) conquests. In short, I’m not referring to the standard materialistic definition of success.
Ironically, I’ve found that when people pursue the kind of emotional and behavioral success that I’m about to describe below, they invariably attain material success as well—at least to the degree that they desire such success. I, and many others, have found that material wealth often follows as a natural consequence of emotional wealth. Contrary to the protestations of the ethically challenged and morally bankrupt who try to excuse or justify their unscrupulous behavior by claiming it’s the only way to get ahead, nice guys, good guys do not finish last. In the end, good guys always finish on top!
Therefore, when I talk about success in this book, I’m focused on the success of your soul and spirit, of the better angels of your nature winning the battle over your worst demons. I’m talking about the triumph of your intellect, reason, and humility over your raw emotion, instinct, arrogance, and desire for self-preservation and advancement. I’m talking about your being able to live with a profound, daily attitude of gratitude for the people and intangible gifts of your life, instead of with a perpetual dissatisfaction over the things that you don’t have and a burning, unrelenting desire for more. I’m talking about your capacity to give of yourself to others; to consciously choose to give love and extend grace and compassion to those who may have done nothing to deserve it; to forgive the unforgivable and restrain from judging or condemning others who might well deserve it.
When I talk about success I’m talking about your capacity to intentionally choose responsible and constructive behaviors that advance your cause—rather than to unconsciously default to instinctive bahaviors that impede it.
I’m talking about you developing both a ravenous curiousity that seeks out such constructive behaviors and a willingness to readily adopt the solutions you discover. I’m talking about your ability to live directed by your life’s purpose—rather than being controlled by your past mistakes or current circumstances. When I talk about success, I’m talking about, first, your philosophical commitment to live by exemplary moral, ethical, and intellectual standards and, second, your behavioral consistency in living in such a way that you not only uphold those standards, but serve as a role model and inspiration for others to do so as well.
What I am defining as success is a very lofty ideal that I do not come close to being able to achieve. But it is a goal that I’m working toward. Sadly, it’s a foregone conclusion that your inner a**hole, like mine, is going to escape into the open every now and then. It happens to all of us. My objective for this book is to help you minimize those events and to provide you with some tools so that when your inner a**hole does escape, he (or she) doesn’t take over.