Comedy

Mind you, a single, one month supply is ninety-nine dollars. Dues much? What is this, Soho House? — My boyfriend started drinking Athletic Greens exactly one month ago to complement his health goals and was immediately hooked. The website boasts there are not seventy-three, not seventy-four, but seventy-FIVE high quality vitamins, minerals and whole-food sourced ingredients. Now, that’s a lot of high quality vitamins, minerals and whole-food sourced…

When dreams don’t align with reality —

It’s your credit score that determines where you go in this afterlife…and for you, it’s not looking good. — The time has come for your soul to leave this mortal plane and go into that bright tunnel that usually leads to Heaven. Unfortunately, since we did some restructuring, all those good deeds you did while alive are absolutely meaningless for our purposes. Now, it’s your credit score that determines…

In his new memoir, Pageboy, Elliot Page opens up about his secret romantic relationship with Kate Mara. The two apparently had a “tryst” in 2013 while filming X-Men: Days of Future Past —hot! …

As you miss your train stop — you didn’t know what you were getting yourself into who does? you were no prophet in your mother’s womb you were more like a passive tourist shopping too much with your eyes — a prey to suggestion, hypnosis of the senses wouldn’t be your first time around the block either …

And you think you have daddy issues — For most of us Father’s Day means finding themed ties or mugs that capture one aspect of that person in our lives who “doesn’t do gifts” but will absolutely care if you don’t get them some kind of token. But what do you give the father who has literally everything…

My suitcase is packed, and I can move in right away! — Hola, My name is Alejandro Carlos Manuel Cesar Diego Gonzalez-Bautista. I’m a mountain viscacha from the Andes in Peru. I’m urgently looking for a room in Lima city center so I can escape this snorrendous rodent colony. Everyone here spends all their time taking naps, eating moss, meditating, playing peek-a-boo…

A graduate level survey course — Syllabus for “Biodiverses: The New Marinecentrism and Intersectionality in Subaquatic Ecosystems” Prof. Sebastian the Crab, Instructor WEEK ONE: BETTER DOWN WHERE IT’S WETTER? TROPHIC INTERACTIONS AND THE HUMAN “PROBLEM” The human world, it’s a mess Life under the sea Is better than anything they got up there WEEK TWO: FOMO…