Spoiler alert: if you read all the way to the end, clap 50 times, scroll slowly back to the top, scroll slowly back to the bottom and leave a comment, a bonus 4th step will magically appear. If it doesn’t, you did it wrong, so try again. — Are you longing for the unwavering support and admiration that comes from being known to all as the “Chosen One” or maybe even “Fuck Head #1”? You, my friend, are not alone.