Gonna just leave these
three dishes in the sink and
pretend they’re not mine.
January 12, 2017
The mystical powers of having a ferociously stylish beard.
Writing Jokes with Jesse Kubanet (Jimmy Kimmel Live!)
[@jessekubanet on Twitter]
There seems to be some dichotomies involved in minimalism. Would a minimalist grow…
Easy income generating ideas for the post-apocalyptic economy
http://www.dieselsweeties.com/ics/220/
What color is my parachute? Gold. Because it is. My parachute is made out of gold…
Dear Hay Fever Allergies,
I had to pee.
Straight forward.
True. I had to pee. I had already had one tequila drink mix thing, and well when I drink I pee. So I entered their bathroom.
Why you need to be more imaginative with your imagery.
You’re a fucking piece of gold.
1 IN 400 TRILLION
Statistics say, that the odds of you being born are 1 in 400 trillion. Wow! Now if that doesn’t excite you, I don’t know what will. Too keep it short and simple, you’re an amazing thing!
See, alot of you don’t see how big and special it is to walk this earth, let alone breathe this…
The Big Lebowski is one of my favorite movies. Someone on the internet must have posted the exact number of f-bombs in it by now, but I haven’t looked for it, because trying to count them all myself is one thing certain to make me laugh. I like the movie so much I always…
Though in eXtremis, I was eXcited, nay eXhilarated, to eXamine your eXceedingly eXcellent eXercise, Alexainie. I do not eXaggerate…
Ten Reasons I’m So Glad I Married My Arch-Nemesis!
Some women are always boasting about how they married their best friend. I’ve never been typical, so here are ten reasons I’m glad I married my arch-nemesis!
It was your average Wednesday morning when I happened upon this pleasant little chat. I’ll skip to the good part:
Cake.
Those of us in the UK may have noticed that it’s very cold outside.
I used to think I was depressed. Now I know I’m just incredibly proficient at exhausting myself.
The 30 remaining National Football League teams that haven’t yet moved to Los Angeles will do so by next season. It’s an unprecedented move for a major American sports league, which traditionally spreads teams out across the country, and in many cases, into Canada.
Planning for a major event is an incredibly stressful situation. Let’s look at weddings, for example; there are the facts you immediately think of, such as the ceremony, outfits, catering and invites. Along with that, there are…
Excuse note here, by Vito Pasquale
Dear Mrs. Gerstle,
I hope this letter finds you well. I have received yours via Jedidiah this morning before assembly.
Hi, there. Hey. And hello. If you’re getting this letter, then you’re one of the first 100 followers of How Pants Work, and we want to say “welcome” and “thank you.”
I am the proud father of a three-year old boy who goes to public school Pre-K 3 in Washington, D.C. On this…
One assumes that a year should always last a year. It should take neither longer, nor shorter than a year, for a year to pass. This is a perfectly reasonable assumption, one would reasonably assume.
A 9th grader at Solomon’s Catholic School for Boys came upon some divine intervention when he was molested by a female priest at his school this past Tuesday. The priest was immediately taken into custody and she has…
Lo que yo daría por poder llamar por teléfono a Don Josep Oliu Creus (presidente del Banco de Sabadell) a la hora de la siesta, cuando más a gustito esté tan beatífica persona y, tras varios timbrazos, decirle: «Llamada urgente de Don José Muelas, proceda usted a regularizar sus saldos deudores…
“Murder!” gasped Fuen.
“Afraid so” sighed Cloud. “Officer of the law I believe.”
I need to get a tiny notebook, and a tiny pen…
Sex is Like
All I know is that if you want to be a good author — and what is “good” if not memorable — then you will need to give it up at some point…
I am a mythical evil creature that frightens children!
As the Obama years come to an end, allow me a moment to reflect on the handshake that propelled President Obama’s run to the White House. The handshake was, of course, with me.
Freaks and Success
- What Do Empty Shells Dream Of -
Day 212
31. INT. DAY. HOME
noun us informal
The quality of being very unpleasant or disgusting.“the grodacity of his…
Thursday
Go ahead
Thursday January 12th 20178:31 am
for zeal for your house consumes me, and the insults of those who insult you fall on me. Psalm 69:9
Many people over the years have encouraged me to document the journey of my rise to enlightenment through coveting a deeper and more…
APPLAUSE!!! APPLAUSE!!!
Someone, do words ending in “ex” now! This was awesome, fabulous entertainment and I feel very appreciated. :) Thank you for writing such an exceptionally thoughtful and intricate response! xoxoxo
PS I made my daughter read mine, then yours. :)
A great design is not a solution, it is the elimination of the problems. Our first week was a matter of eliminating ideas, scoping the…
“The administrations of FDR, Warren G. Harding and Abraham Lincoln were fraught with golden shower conspiracies.”
- The Whomp
Technology giants Adobe, Microsoft Tuesday each released security updates and issued an upgrade for Flash Player and for…
Ok, I have a friend, right…. Charlie… When I hear a metal trolley wheeling its way down my street, I instinctively look over to check if it is Charlie passing through my ’hood!
Clary Fray has just enrolled at Brooklyn Academy of Arts. On her eighteenth birthday, she learns that she is a Shadowhunter, a human born with angelic blood who protect humans from demons. That night, Clary’s mother, Jocelyn, is abducted by a group of rogue Shadowhunters called the Circle. Their leader…
Thank you for my first laugh of the day! Creative, witty, original, and just plain fun!
Hahahahaha… white Knighting is fun. You’ve lost sight of what she said. She said she’s a reporter to the Russian Embassy. Then went on to write this nonsense which has more attention that her meaningless tweet trying to be funny. The problem isn’t necessarily that she’s not a reporter (she’s not) it’s that she writes these pieces as if the whole…
Establish a free zone company with 100% foreign ownership at the USARTC. Are you looking for an affordable business solution? Then look no further then Sharjah Free Zone Authority. With its affordable e-office packages and an allotment of 3–5 residence visas, you will be able to hire the staff that you need without having to make costly upfront…
A group of four nations consisting of different forms of governments and ideologies shall begin a new chapter in the Realms. We shall promote peace and cooperation among themselves. Frank4453 shall lead the New Holy Roman Empire. DonaldJTrump26, hafbros, and…
I’m not into short guys because I want to be the only shawty in the relationship lol
All,
Please allow me this polite response to the the growing and understandable backlash to my ill-advised reply to the negative feedback stemming from my accidental “company(all); suppliers(all)” email detailing my now-admittedly uncontructive…
Substituir refeições inteiras por um copo de shake não reduz o peso da fome. Ameniza, no máximo, o peso da consciência.
Alpha Monster Advanced is an extra quality testosterone supporter. It is expected to help men increase stamina, increment temperamental muscle pumps and update their stamina. This dietary supplement can be taken twice consistently for…
Day 4 — Friends!!! #14daysofhappinessandwhatnot
I got paid today!
Violet oh Violet,
It’s all just an algorithm. I could’ve published, You’re my favorite turd — I’d never shit you and it may have ended up there.
It’s just a big wheel with arrows, and I got pointed at again. My writings are elementary at best.
Thank you for your kind words though!
Jack
Not Financial News. Financialtainment | January 12, 2017
In the wake of possibly trumped-up reports that the president-elect was involved in a “golden shower” scenario with Russian prostitutes, here’s what you…
(A patient sits in an armchair, across from a therapist)
Patient: (Holding tissues and sniffling) I told myself I wasn’t going to be like this when it happened. He lived a good life, he was old, he was sick, and it was time.
In 1853, an American named William Walker took forty-five men to Mexico, “conquered” the city of La Paz on the Baja Peninsula, declared his conquest to be the Republic of Lower California, made himself president, and instilled the laws of Louisiana, where slavery was still legal. The Mexicans…
intelleral Rhodiola Rosea is the essential variable that the maker proclamations won’t just help your examine appraisals by 8.4 %, however this segment is relied upon to tear down enthusiastic and genuine physical weariness extensively. Studies did…
Nitro MXS Characteristic and safe, and having a maintained love potion impact. The majority of the medical advantages are gotten from the more than one hundred Nitro MXS Muscle sulfur mixes it contains, particularly illicit, which is in charge…
Alpha Monster Advanced When you are just starting out with a fitness regimen, moving slowly is very important. Keep your focus on using the correct techniques and form, as well as your breathing. Once you have all this stuff down, it…
My body is sore. I’m not very good at the sport called sleeping. I need to practice more, maybe two-a-days.
http://www.boatwindows.com/When ordering something online sight unseen you are somewhat skeptical of the product you will receive. I am happy to say that I am very pleased with your product. After examining the window it appears that the workmanship is impeccable and it matches my…
