An Honest Accounting of My Billable Hours

9:00 AM — 9:15 AM

Still on the train.

9:15 — 9:30 AM

Arrived at 9:25. Promptly checked e-mail and all social media platforms to keep abreast of any new developments since previous…

I am a white man, and this is a list of my struggles. Thank you.

1. Constantly being mistaken for Paul Rudd and having to turn down movie roles.
2. Feeling excluded from stories of oppression. Well, not excluded precisely, just not being on the side I’d prefer.

Things I’d Rather Do With The Tax Money I Owe

• Put it in a blender with some hot sauce and eat it while whimpering
• Origami chickens
• Roll it up so it’s all pointy and shove it in my eyes
• Set it alight and throw it into…