Disconnected.

Damn. I awoke this morning feeling this looming anxiety. I didn’t sleep well but that’s been off and on all week as anxiety and the heat has caused some restlessness.

But my two main triggers for my anxiety are not here…I feel safe and my health and those around me are healthy.

Yet, my heart felt the pressure of anxious day building.

Everything has been “a normal quarantine Saturday.”

I have been trying to do chores but find myself sitting here surfing random comedy videos and social.

My energy wiped out but I know I have energy.

Then bam. My husband comes in an asks me what I want for lunch.

Waterworks every where. Ugly cry like no other.

He helps me talk out what I am feelings…

Frustrated that it’s not my triggers. What the hell is it?

I ugly cry and sniffle… I miss my people.

Disconnectedness. That’s it.

I miss my PEOPLE. I mean I have been missing my people but it hit last night when I was on another zoom call.

I woke up sad. I need of hugs from my closest family and friends but can’t.

I feel so disconnected from people in the way of hugs and spending honest time with them. From my nieces and nephews growing up via zoom before my eyes and just wanting to be with family and friends. To wanting girls nights and days with my best friend and friends.

To missing baseball family games and dance friends. We are all honestly really starting to feel it no matter how many zoom calls we do.

So much. I just want hugs and laughs in person and play time and just HUGS. Let’s be honest. I’m Olaf and I like warm hugs.

Hugs give security. They give that feeling of belonging and togetherness. That feeling that you get when you know everything is going to be alright with one tight bear hug.

I am so ready for hugs. But I much rather it be safe and not a risk. I can wait this out but the emotional pain that came today like out of no where hurt.

I miss my people. I feel like I took so much for granted. We were so used to just seeing each other and now that it has not happen in almost two months it’s really setting in.

The best hugs I got today were from my girl and hubby.