Behold, he cometh!

I woke up with a jolt. A distant voice, intending to be melodic but failing miserably at it was beckoning me to rise and take notice. As I sat in my bed contemplating if it were just a dream or something real, I inadvertently reached out to my phone and tapped gently on the YouTube app on the screen. Beads of cold sweat trickled down my forehead as my heart raced like its pants were on fire. I woke up my peacefully sleeping wife and showed her the screen, she managed half a yelp and exclaimed — “ Gosh.. it’s Taher, he is BACK!”

The morning brought sunlight, and with it the relief that the world hadn’t come to an end as I had imagined it would the night before. I reminded myself that back in 2013, when Taher Shah had spun the entire planet out of its axis by his mind addling music video — Eyesto Eyes, we all somehow managed to survive, albeit with indelible scars. Back then, I had pretty much watched his video on loop till I had internalized his every move (read: gently swaying from side to side), every glance (read: looking flirtatiously into the camera and then turning away with unprecedented coyness), his every illusion (read: spawning a clone of himself, dressed in black but doing the same shit), and the killer smile (read: the kind of half smile you give when you really ‘need to go’, but they won’t let you). Hell, I even found myself humming the song while reading a book at a coffee shop and stopped only when a stranger seated on the next table threatened to stab me with a fork if I didn’t.

The point is that he messed with the marbles in my head and I did succeed in putting them back in their place. But that took time. This time around, I had to be better prepared, after all, I had been there once, I had seen what he was capable of, and I knew he couldn’t throw something at me that I wasn’t prepared for. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Look into his eyes… look!

This time around Taher drops the pristine Simi Grewal look, escapes the confines of a walled structure, sprouts wings from his belly fat, and turns into an angel, actually, as he insists, “Mankind’s Angel”. Playing this abominable creature, Taher roams in green fields, singing blissfully much like a cow that has found itself on the other side of the fence. He proceeds to spin a web of unfathomably complex lyrics, which need some serious deciphering. If you haven’t been exposed to the video yet, I suggest you have a look before you read ahead.

Now here’s the thing, while the song seems comical to many, it is actually a chronicle of the evolution of mankind itself. The song documents three different life- phases of the lost angel who probably got dropped on earth because he was unbearably heavy for heaven.

In the first phase, we see him wandering around the fields, singing longingly around a diabolically twisted tree. Dressed in purple and teal gowns, with a wand in hand, and a tiara on his head, he keeps looking heavenwards wishing for a soul mate who clearly God is reluctant to grant him (I am assuming that would be because God is just being kind to the rest of the world). But then he delivers a really compelling argument which moves the heavens -

Dearest creation, by God

Heaven on earth, mankind’s Angel

Lonely for you, like an Angel

Your love is, my true Angel

Without you I always, live alone

As the heart beats, without a soul

I fall in love with you, always….

Like Angels, love other Angels

Angel Angel, … mankind’s Angel

Laa, Laa, Laa, Laa, Laa, Laa, Laa, Laa”

As you’d have observed, the words are way too moving and with the “Laa laa….” in the end, he just nails it.

Anyway, so God grants him a mate. And lo and behold she appears, a vigilante with an eye mask but much like him otherwise in girth and wings.

The vigilante angel

This is where the song enters its second phase. Our man angel breaks into a senseless love lyric where he compares himself to a mermaid and kills it for all normal men who have always had fond imaginations of mermaids.

“You are my lovely, … sweet Angel

Without you my love, … stays alone

Like a mermaid, … lives alone

When I found you, I was so glad……

As I gained,… lovely heaven

Angel Angel,… mankind’s Angel

Laa, Laa, Laa, Laa, Laa, Laa, Laa, Laa”

Yet again, he uses the “Laa, Laa….” to clinical effect, driving you, the listener/watcher, one step closer to the kitchen knife.

The third phase is kind of predictable. We have a man angel, a woman angel — who is quite like the man angel — they sort of get together so logically, there’s a child angel.

My heart goes out to the child though, who is not only made to look like our man angel but is also decorated with a blond wig in one of the sequences, ostensibly to look like his angel mother. This of course, leads to an absurd output and a really disgusted child in his father’s arms.

“ I hate you daddy!”

The song closes with yet another rendition of “Laa, laa, ….” which I reckon are Taher’s best words in this song.

Taher’s “Angel” has already started having an impact. I have spent the afternoon going over the lyrics multiple times. His face, which is arguably the largest any man has ever carried, is looming larger still in front of my eyes. But I will fight this out. I will not fall under his spell. I will survive this too.

Until next time.

Laa, laa, laa…


Originally published at www.halffried.com on April 10, 2016.

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