My Five Fever Dreams

I’ve thought too much about sex for the last few lonely months

The author, Nancy Fairchild

I’ve spent the last ten months on a tiny island in a small pod of expats and I’ve had too much time to think. I have been really lonely for the first time in my life and I became insecure as I grew more and more distant from the ones I love. I’ve been obsessing about sex, not that I have gone without for more than a day. I have always had a lover but not a soul mate.

I have devised two different bucket lists; one is for the destinations I would like to visit before I settle into that rocking chair and call it a day. The other is a list of sexual adventures I would like to explore. I’ve done a lot more than most women, but I’m not done yet. Here are some things nice girls shouldn’t wish for. I have to get these done when I return to the real world.

1. I want to do a porn movie, but I don’t want to do it with porn stars, and I want to give it to the three men that love me. I have been isolated on a small island since February thousands of miles away from them and I’ve had plenty of time to obsess about this. My plan is to get three young university students to do it with me. I will choose the men carefully for their looks, intelligence, humor, and cock size and then I’ll hire someone to film and produce it. I want it, first of all, to be fun. Secondly, I want it to be as real and graphic as possible and that means no ‘money shots’. The men will be cumming inside me like real life. I will give them each a dose of Viagra so the three hours will be full of fucking. Then I want it to be professionally edited so the loves of my life can enjoy watching it. I also want this to be a testament to my own sexuality so I can see a snapshot in time thirty years from now.
2. I want to be a prostitute again at the same agency I worked at in France seven years ago. I have been writing about that time and it has reminded how much I loved it when I was doing it. I want to see if I can recapture that magic again. I may do it just for a month or six months or maybe a year. I have to get that out of my system. If I don’t, I’ll always regret it. This isn’t going to make anyone happy. I know there is one man of the three who will stand by me regardless of what I will do but the other two will have to make their own choices. Each of them knows I used to be a whore so they’ll have to decide if they can accept that I will be one again. They know I will come back to them the same woman I was before.
3. I am fascinated by a certain type of transgendered women, particularly if they are young and innocent looking. I want to take one of them under my wing and help them become the woman they dream of. I also want to explore the woman-to-be sexually and make love with her as a woman would. I want that person to have particularly small cock that I can play with like a toy.
4. I want to find a certain sort of man I can confess all my past sins to and tell him of my wants and desires. I don’t want his understanding or empathy nor would I care about his opinion. What I do want is for him to take me over his knee and spank me hard for being the spoiled slut I am. I want to do this each week to purge myself.
5. I want to do a book of photography of 100 hard cocks with my hand holding them. I want to show the difference in length, color and width. I want it to be very erotic and beautifully photographed and I want to sign every copy that is sold.