Poly Life
Hotwife or poly wife? It’s more than semantics
This is for woman, but men can learn
by Brian O’Connell
There are not many women that would turn down the offer of a marriage that allowed her complete sexual freedom whilst her husband remained faithful. The offer may shock them at first and it may take them awhile to accept the notion, but they invariably do. I know because my wife chose those terms of marriage when she proposed to me. My wife had to go through one marriage to discover what she wanted in the next. I was just in love and still am and I do what I am told. But not in everything.
Our marriage is not a female led relationship. There’s the spoiled and the spoiler, instead of the husband and wife and being a spoiler is a lot of fun. Being a spoiled wife is a fairly traditional structure for marriage but, in our case, it extends across the board. That means Nancy can spend three months with a lover in the Caribbean in the winter and three months in the summer with another lover and have interludes in the in-between seasons when she is with me. I don’t have her every night of the week then, but most of them. That makes her very happy and our marriage work.
What do I get out of it? A very happy wife or at least one I haven’t made upset or angry. And I get to dress her in the clothes I choose, which is something I love to do.
Now, I’m not normal but neither am I abnormal. There are clones of me out there. It’s just a question of finding one if you are seeking the lifestyle that Nancy enjoys.
One of the terms Nancy intensely dislikes is the word hotwife. It’s a male constrict. It was invented by men to describe a female ideal. The word implies guilt free promiscuity in a marriage by the female partner for the titillation of the male partner. A hotwife is often simply a performer for her husband who chooses her partners and arranges her trysts. Not surprisingly, that’s not what women necessarily want. The term is inadequate to describe a woman who has the freedom to do as she pleases without the consent of her husband, not in his presence and of her choice entirely. The kind of marriage that allows a woman that freedom is the sort that most women dream of, even if they never take advantage of their privileges.
It’s not an offensive term as such, it’s fun and sexy but it doesn’t do justice to the sort of positive sex poly marriage that many women actually want, without losing the security of having a faithful male partner.
The term poly wife also has its drawbacks too because it implies a lifestyle choice and all the baggage of the poly community that accompanies it. Poly is a dated term borne from the free love experiments of the 20th century. In the poly community, a poly wife, mono husband marriage is sort of morally out there, once again because of male constricts. In the poly community the ideal poly wife brings back a female lover for both her and her husband to enjoy. Once again, women want the freedom to choose their lovers themselves whilst having the security of a monogamous bookend.
There’s no one word to describe a woman who has the freedom to fuck around whilst knowing her husband will remain faithful throughout, but there is a term to define the marriage under which this arrangement works, and that word is imbalanced. An imbalanced marriage is one in which the woman not only has her freedom while her husband is monogamous, but she also enjoys the benefits of a man who is committed entirely to her happiness.
I know a number of men and women who have very happy imbalanced marriages because they combine traditional elements of matrimony with many of the barriers that restricted women removed. But, for it to work the woman has to demand the right sort of husband and not accept anything less.
Imbalanced wives are spoiled. An imbalanced wife doesn’t serve coffee or tea in bed for their husband. It’s the other way around. That’s a given and if a man isn’t prepared to spoil his wife the woman should move on and find someone who is willing to do just that. It’s fairly cut and dry.
In an imbalanced marriage the woman holds most of the sexual power in the relationship and the husband is perhaps one of a few lovers she has and probably not the primary one. If the husband can’t handle that then the woman should find someone who can. It’s that simple.
An imbalanced marriage is not structured by the husband, or the husband and wife together, its tenets are drawn up by the wife alone and the husband either chooses to accept them or not. If the man doesn’t then the woman should find someone that does.
It’s as simple as mixing a dry martini. The husband is the vermouth and the wife the gin. But in our marriage it’s different because the wife is a Jewish American Princess and the husband is a gentile not withstanding him being ten years younger and she being blonde with all the baggage that comes with. So, our marriage is more like a perfect Long Island Iced Tea at the end of a hot day.
