The Last
by Nancy Fairchild — nancy.fairchild@hushmail.com
“I am seldom spoken to because I was the woman who fell to the lowest depths and took many others down with me and Hans is scorned because he took what no one else wanted. We are both the last option to choose.”
I told Hans last night what I wanted. He’s younger than me, like my husband, but we are new together, so he doesn’t know my secret cravings and he didn’t understand why I asked him to do what I needed to be done to me. I had read about it yesterday and then wrote the author of the article and we exchanged erotic messages. He didn’t convince me to do it. He just lit a candle on the dark side of my brain.
We had a warm can of SeyBrew lager in the villa we share on the edge of the Indian Ocean. I opened it and brought it to the bedroom after we had fucked in the evening and I made Hans drink it. There is no power in all the ten villas in the resort we share with the other expats waiting out the pandemic. Only the dining hall has electricity.
The sun sets early here because we are almost on the equator and, at night, we light the hurricane lanterns. Batteries are scarce and expensive, and kerosene is cheap. We never venture out of our cabin after the sun sets at 6:00 pm and the large fruit bats start to fill the sky. There is no radio or internet except in the main hall, so we read, fuck and go to sleep early and wake when the sun finally appears across the mountain range that splits the island.
I have a drawer full of expensive watches and jewelry my lovers and husband have bought me over the years in our flat in London. The only way we have to tell time now is a cheap wristwatch that Hans owns. The strap broke months ago so it is left on the coffee table in the living room of our villa. If the battery dies, as it eventually will, we’ll only have the sun to rely on to guess the time of day.
We fuck a lot during the day. Hans is consumed with me, but he has yet no trace of the erotic drivers that fill my brain. I worry that I am corrupting him and when my husband finally comes for me and we depart he will seek out someone like myself instead of the nice Danish woman his parents probably want for him. I am the first American woman he has known and the fact that I am older than him by a decade only excites him.
He has no idea of what I am really. No understanding of my selfishness. No concept of how irreparably flawed I am. Only my husband knows that and only he knows that I can only really love him because he accepts me and nurtures the darkness inside me. He shares totally in the debasement I crave because I am the woman who crept into his mind and began consuming it and making it mine. My thoughts are his thoughts now and my dreams become his reality. I took him in his youth ten years ago and molded him into what I needed.
He was a beautiful young gentile when we met and I entrapped him, slim of frame, almost a waif like figure like me. He is ethereally beautiful. We share the same body type almost exactly but he has yet to have breasts and will share the same wardrobe in the future. In the coming months he will go through a carthysis and come out as something different. This is what keeps me from wallowing in the loneliness and stifling boredom I live through each day, although I am staying in one of the most beautiful settings I have ever seen.
I came here on the arms of a lover of mine in early February. We had been having an affair with each other for five years and I spent months away with him every year. Then the pandemic struck, and flights were grounded, and we were stranded together here with 25 others, all from Europe except me. My husband was in a dusty Middle Eastern capital at the time and remains there still. My relationship with my lover crumbled as our isolation nurtured affairs and betrayals among our small group. His fascination with watching me being taken every night by others tired me eventually but, by then, I was seen for what I am by all the others except the man I am with now.
Five of us have left but the 20 remaining are wealthy enough to ride out the storm here. My husband pays all the costs for me and provides me enough to pick things up when I occasionally go into the small town on the island. He sends me gifts each week of clothes and books. I am the only woman in the resort who receives mail and I am envied and hated for that.
Hans was the last to ever want me and I was the last who wanted him, so we escaped together in a villa furthest away from the others and their games. I am seldom spoken to because I was the woman who fell to the lowest depths and took many others down with me and Hans is scorned because he took what no one else wanted. We are both the last option to choose. Today is the last for my husband too but the option he chose to make was the one I planted in him weeks ago and nurtured since then. He will begin to look and feel differently tomorrow and for each day onward until we meet again, so today is his last for what he was.
I woke Hans this morning and took him outside before he had time to think and pulled his boxer shorts down and fell to my knees in the sand and took his cock in my mouth, teasing it with my tongue. His bladder was full, and I could tell he could barely control himself, so I made him hard and then bent over and guided him into my pussy from behind. I told him to relax and just let go. There was a pause of a minute or so but then a stream of warm piss filled my pussy. I rubbed myself to a quick orgasm as he emptied himself seemingly endlessly into me. It felt warm when it streamed through me and then emptied down my leg. The smell of his piss on my body and in my pussy drove me to another long orgasm. It’s a sensation I want to repeat again and again.
Hans fucked me like the slut I am afterwards. He is beginning to realize what drives me and makes me the hot with lust. Today he crossed a threshold he will remember forever. I think I opened a dark door in his mind that will never close.
I called my husband and told him that Hans used his wife’s pussy as a urinal and drained his bladder inside me. I told him from now on until he rescues me that, every morning, I will do that again until he is used to using me that way and doesn’t think twice about doing it any time he pleases. I asked Brian what he thought about the woman he loves wanting that in her life. There was a pause during which I could feel the shame of it engulf him. He didn’t respond but told me instead that the medicine my lover, Adrian, had arrived by courier to his apartment that day.
Brian lives temporarily in a city as unpleasant as one can imagine with heat, the wind and the dust taking away the horizon. It coats his windows in streaks as he looks out at the milky sky. But what obscures the view outward stops the curious from looking inside. In his isolation he can start a different journey. The ticket for that arrived in the form of the hormones my lover sent him.
I had an email exchange with Helen, our doctor in Oxford, and asked her about the pills my husband received and what dosage he should take. She responded in the message below.
Dear Nancy
He should take one pill daily but if he wants to speed the process, he should take two. You will see bodily changes in four to six months. He will feel the effects tomorrow morning and will get little rushes which will evolve into sort of hot flashes in the future. These are natural and nothing to worry about. I agree with you, Brian will turn out well. He may lose sexual function and there will be noticeable shrinking of his penis and testicles but that is not an important part of your marriage. As of tomorrow, start referring to him as a female. That’s good psychologically.
When you both get back, we’ll work hard to turn Brian into something pretty for you. That’s what you want, isn’t it? I’ll help you along. Thank you for letting me be part of this.
Love, H
I called Brian again and wished the man in him goodbye and told him to take two pills a day and told him I will call him Briana henceforth. Tomorrow the woman in him will start to grow and I will soon have a girlfriend as loyal to me as my husband was. A girl who will spoil me and take care of me and serve me and my lovers tea in bed in the morning. I will dress my new creature as I like, and we will shop together for clothes we both look beautiful in.
His mind is what makes us the money to live the way we do and support my expensive stay on the island resort and pay the mortgages on our property in London and Bordeaux. He will still have that mind but in a different body of my creation.
I told Brian when we first met who I was, and he told me he would do anything to bring me happiness. He gave up his manhood today as part of that pledge. I’ve never felt so joyful in my life as I do now and look forward to my new girlfriend rescuing me and taking me home.
