Exotic Vacations | Columbia

Ricky Argenbright

Published in

Tales Around the Mana Pool

17 min readApr 27, 2018

Welcome to Columbia! No, no, not the country, the city. Not that city, the sky city — IN THE CLOUDS.

Welcome to Columbia!

The utopian city of opportunity nestled in a sea of clouds!

Ever wonder what it would be like to sleep on a cloud? Now is your chance to book a vacation with us and see the city in the sky, a place you will not likely see again in your lifetime!

Timeshares now available!

Lodging

The city of Columbia boasts a large amount of acreage due to no congestion in the sky, allowing for a huge variety of places for our guests to rest their heads.

Rooms are available now in many different styles and themes!

The Lighthouse

You might say, ‘That’s odd, I believe I’ve stayed here before when I visited Rapture’. You would be correct in that fact. However, we have made many improvements to the Lighthouse, and the upper levels are now accessible!

You’ll be pleased to know that there is a rocket booster ride in the top of the tower, available for free with each confirmed booking!

No rush to reserve. There are plenty for everyone!

“I didn’t want to stay here. I’m just trying to bring the girl and clear away the debt.”
— Booker DeWitt

Lansdowne Residence

An elegant suite that overlooks the town square, the Lansdowne Residence will bring a cozy warmth to your soul.

The decor is reminiscent of the Order of the Raven’s lodge, but with a more expensive upper class flair.

“I enjoyed living here. It’s outside of the normal fanatic circles. The only problem is that people kept breaking through my skylights. There is a front door.”
— Byron Cotswold

Montgomery Residence

The Montgomery’s hosted the Columbia Friends of the Negro Society out of this residence. They utilized these very walls to house a printing facility and a safe haven for the black citizens of the city.

“This was the perfect place to stage our safe haven. People should never be oppressed based on their color.”
— Mrs. Montgomery

Monument Tower

The angel of the city, Monument Tower stands tall and overlooks New Eden below. The rooms are intricately designed and well maintained.

A special feature of the tower is the theater room, reserved only for guests who have booked a room in the Monument Tower. It was converted from an old siphoning device used to absorb wavelengths.

“It’s very nice and they keep it very clean. I’d like to go outside at some point though.”
— Elizabeth

Emporia

The high society island of Emporia will impress even the most distinguished of guests. Large enough to keep you busy and segregated from the other islands, this beautifully designed escape has everything you need to unwind.

The rooms are surrounded by gorgeous landscaping that accurately imitates the natural feeling of being on Earth, including big water features and rocky cliffs that will completely envelope you in serenity!

Head to Downtown Emporia for ornate architecture and tons of shopping!

“The only sounds that can be heard are the birds, the waterfalls and Rosalind’s constant debating.”
— Robert Lutece

Finkton Proper

Right in the center of the largest production facility in Columbia, the suites of Finkton Proper boast an air of ingenuity and purpose. If you feel that you are relaxing too much, you can always apply for a job and get paid to improve Columbia! The previous owner carried the same policy, and we thought that eliminating it would be a disservice to the city.

Be sure to drop by the gunsmith’s shop to pick up collectible weapons only produced here in Columbia!

“It’s mostly quiet, which is odd considering it’s near a factory.”
— Rosalind Lutece

Fraternal Order of the Raven’s Lodge

The house of the Fraternal Order of the Raven features an experience not found in any other capacity. We give you the opportunity to be a cultist from the Order of the Raven, including donning the full garb and reading incantations from the original spellbook!

It is said that when enough are gathered together and chant a specific phrase, a mighty raven can hear the call and will appear to cast judgement.

“The Raven guards us, while the darkness binds us.”
— First Zealot

The Bull House Impound

Have you ever wanted to know what it’s like to be imprisoned, but are not willing to commit an act that would put you there?

The Bull House Impound is a unique experience that features a modernized cell block, drab halls and even a historic investigation room! Catch unfriendly looks from others as you are looked down upon by Columbian society!

We have kept the original security system in place for historic purposes, while maintaining your safety while you sleep! Enjoy being an inmate!

“I believe in the strength of this place. We need a place where we can smother the rebellion.”
— Cornelius Slate

Shantytown

The budget level of Finkton’s manufacturing district, Shantytown gives you a very personal experience relative to the destitute lifestyle that the lower class was forced to endure during the war of the infamous fanatic group, the Vox Populi.

As with all of our rooms, food is readily available. To maintain the ambiance of the area, you are provided an opportunity to ‘forage’ for it in various containers and broken vending machines throughout the area. You are also given only one blanket per family and loitering is encouraged!

“This has always been our home, but no more! We will rise against the — ”
— Daisy Fitzroy

Comstock House

The executive estate of Columbia, the Comstock House is an all-inclusive experience of powerful proportions all on its own.

This is the very place where the ideals of the Prophet were weaved into the clouds, where the pinnacle of the Columbian Civil War erupted and where the original Founders colony was both formed and destroyed. The island is rich with history!

We have a guided tour that takes you through the most dangerous portions of the estate including the insane asylum, which is still guarded by the autonomous security system.

Warning: We will not be held liable for any damage that may befall you or your personal property.

“The False Prophet would not have reached me here if I had not let him. It was destiny.”
— Zachary Comstock

Sights

The landmarks in Columbia are unlike any other in the world, and the air!

Garden of New Eden

Acting as the gateway to Columbia, the Garden of New Eden instills the essence of the core values of the Prophet’s beliefs into anyone who enters the city. The three statues of the founding fathers who represent the basis of this belief system each offer an instrument of productivity to those who pass.

Monument Island

Featuring the golden angel, the Monument Tower, Monument Island is a place of serenity away from the rest of the city. A brief look at the city’s history among the gardens and a healthy walk up into the tower will add some flavor to your trip.

Hall of Heroes

A massive museum that is dedicated completely to the history of Columbia. Attractions of various types provide information recounting the most important events, including statues of iconic figures and interactive displays that put you in the middle of the action!

Warning: While this attraction is rated for children, please be aware that the interactive displays are very real and has the potential to cause injury or even death.

First Lady’s Aerodrome

The airship belonging to the late Lady Comstock sits at its dock as a museum of sorts. Learn about how the First Lady chose to live in her days here in Columbia!

Finkton Docks

The loading zone for cargo zeppelins to pick up and drop off freight, a city function that is still very much operational today. Finkton Docks will give you an inside look at the reality of importing and exporting into and out of the clouds.

Board a vessel and use the on-board cranes or send a delivery notice to the Finkton Factory to see what it’s like to be part of the crew!

Financial District (Downtown Emporia)

In the formal Financial District of Downtown Emporia, you can observe the business side of running a city above ground.

The layout of the buildings was constructed strategically by the Prophet to counteract uprisings and general misbehavior. Come explore and admire the historic architecture!

Memorial Gardens

These gorgeous Memorial Gardens were crafted in memory of the late First Lady Comstock, wife of Zachary Hale Comstock.

Caution: Be mindful of where you step while in the gardens. The maintenance crews have stories going around about ghosts in the area. We have no proof against these accusations, but it creates an interesting feeling while traversing this already intriguing area.

Hand of the Prophet

The extraordinary gunship, the Hand of the Prophet, has been under massive reconstruction by our first class zeppelin crew and is open for tours now!

See the inner workings of the vessel that ruled the skies of Columbia!

Attractions

The amusements in Columbia are presented in a plethora of ways. Travel around the city, soak up some sunlight and admire the unique architecture and vegetation!

New Eden Square

The welcoming square for new arrivals to Columbia, New Eden Square boasts all of the comforts of home with a more breezy atmosphere! Enjoy some of the city’s fare, have a seat at a table or on a bench beside the stoic Father Comstock statue, or take a stroll down the lane and check out the shops!

Fairgrounds

Come one, come all to the Columbia Fairgrounds! Enjoy classic fair fare while observing wild personalities, security personnel interviews and Vigor demonstrations.

Play some games and sample some Vigors for yourself to experience the lifestyle of the Columbia citizen in their hayday!

Raffle Park

While you’re at the Fairgrounds, be sure to pick up your raffle ticket and enter the contest against fellow guests to win fabulous prizes!

This year we are giving away a full set of Vigors for the third drawing, 3 free nights in the Comstock House for the second drawing and a timeshare in the area of your choice for the first drawing!

Battleship Bay Arcade

Is the inner child in you bursting at the seams? Release the tension that society on Earth uses to pin you down and play some games at the Battleship Bay Arcade!

Enjoy some retro gaming via themed arcade machines, try your luck at some games of skill and chance and learn about the rise of Columbia through knowledge stations, now featuring color video!

Soldier’s Field

A patriotic amusement park that features Columbia-friendly advertisements, exciting rides like the Sky Hook coaster and lots of food!

The Columbia education center contains information about the city’s functionality and propaganda pamphlets of the Prophet’s ideals. Learn and have fun at the same time!

Market District (Downtown Emporia)

The Market District in Downtown Emporia is the place to be if you want high quality goods at impeccable price points. There is also a magnificent book store called Founders Books in the area that has a comfortable lounge area in the basement for reading.

Wall to wall discounts every day if you present your booking confirmation to the store clerks!

Sea of Doors

Prepare to be amazed beyond your wildest dreams — the unbelievable phenomenon called the Sea of Doors is now open!

Using research gained through the analysis of biological wavelengths that were stored on hidden servers in the Comstock House, our expert team of scientists here in Columbia have uncovered the secret to the gateway to the infinite!

The price point seems very high, but it is well worth being part of a once in a lifetime opportunity. Step through a ‘tear’ in the universe and see what it’s like to exist in a different reality alongside yourself!

Note: Due to the nature of this attraction, it is reserved for adult guests over the age of 18 only. We apologize for any inconvenience!

Fare

An enormous amount of indulgences has been a consistent request of our guests, and we have provided! We cater to any and all consumption desires. Let us know if we can import anything else that will make your stay more enjoyable!

The Blue Ribbon

The Blue Ribbon restaurant is the high class eatery of Columbia — top rated by many critics, including those from down below!

We have guest chefs that rotate each day of the week, so the menu items including the soup, entrees and pastries change daily.

Feel free to give us a call and we will let you know what is on the menu. It will also be posted outside the restaurant each morning.

Stop in for an early bird special!

The Salty Oyster

An upper class bar where our VIP guests can have a drink and mingle with the minds behind Columbia’s operation.

The Graveyard Shift

The Shantytown bar and grill Graveyard Shift is a great place to sample local barbecue with all the fixings in the evenings.

We have built a brewery into the basement of this select location that features hundreds of varieties of beers on tap or in the bottle. Take some home with you when you head back down to the ground!

Only open during hours of darkness!

Patriot’s Pride

The sweetest confection joint in all of Columbia! Stop in for a complimentary cotton candy and spread the word!

We utilize an unmanned trust-based payment solution to build a working relationship with our guests. Please be honest and pay for what you pick!

Excelsior Brand Canned Meats

Although we have discovered through a source of ours that this particular brand of canned meat is exquisite, you would not know it by shopping in this location.

Note: Do not mind the owner of the shop. We have attempted to save this woman many times and put out the fire in her store, but it is always the same. As far as we can tell, she will be just fine.

Harmony Lane Pub

Newly renovated and reopened, the Harmony Lane Pub is an impressive place to enjoy some relaxing company either indoors or outside.

If you fancy a bit of wine, head downstairs to the cellar and sample Columbia’s finest selection of red and white wines!

Vigors

If you have ever asked yourself what it would be like to have the powers of the gods, ask no more!

Vigors are the way of the future! As hinted by the title, Vigors invigorate your body by mutating your DNA to bend what limitations fate has given you.

Warning: Take responsibly. Vigors have been put through rigorous testing and are safe for consumption, but a known side effect of overuse is insanity.

Finkton Rations

The everyday consumption staple for the workers at the Finkton factory. These came standard issue free with employment under Jeremiah Finkton and are loaded with necessary vitamins and minerals to ensure productivity performance remained in the high percentages.

We keep them around for nostalgia and historic purposes. They are packaged in an assortment of meal styles. Bon appetit!

Columbia Wheat Cereal

Produced here from the wheat fields of Columbia,

The National Grain Company White Oats

A delicious variant from the standard Columbia wheat that has remained a mainstay for the citizens of the city. Imported from Chicago, USA!

Harvay’s Potato Chips

We initially wanted to invest in Salty’s sea salt chips from Rapture, but after a consumer poll from our guests we decided to create our own!

This variety is a derived from Salty’s recipe and tweaked to taste delicious without any added sodium. They’re amazing!

Finkton’s Baked Beans

One of the many standard consumable products that was being produced under Finkton’s management. We decided to revamp the campaign and produce them ourselves for our guests in the Finkton area.

When you order room service in Finkton Proper, just check the ‘Tomato Beans’ option. If you are staying in the Shantytown, just search around in the various containers. We have added them to the list of food to be issued in that manner.

Gaynor Peaches

Thanks Mom! Chocolate Cakes

Columbia’s Best Popcorn

Various snacks

Everything you could desire under the sun, including but not limited to: cheese wheels, hot dogs, cotton candy, apples, pears, pineapples, bananas and 100% pure Columbian coffee!

Travel

There are a few ways to get around town, whether you are looking to get somewhere in a hurry or wish to take the scenic route.

Skyhook

The Skyhook is by far the easiest and most convenient method of travel in Columbia. It also happens to be the most fun!

It attaches securely to your arm and connects to the trail of rails above your head that weave in and out of the various islands of the city. Once connected, hold on tight and enjoy the open air!

There is an initial investment involved in your booking cost, but it is well worth it. You will own your Skyhook and can take it home with you and bring it back for future visits!

With your Skyhook purchase, you will also receive a collectible stamp journal. This leather-bound journal contains space to write notes of your travels, fun facts about the sights and attractions of Columbia and a special stamp that belongs with each location.

These stamps can be acquired from the owners of each storefront. Collect them all to earn a complimentary 3-night stay at the Fraternal Order of the Raven’s Lodge and a special Raven token!

Zeppelin

The civilian zeppelin travels between the largest islands of Columbia regularly. Take a ride and enjoy the scenery!

Gondola

The Gondola is a great way to see the city and experience the fresh air and limitless sky!

Perhaps you’ll be lucky enough to catch the flying quartet singing their songs of freedom!

Safety and Security

The safety of our guests is our utmost concern here in Columbia. We have implemented numerous measures to ensure that this standard is maintained, from feet on the ground to defenses in the air (the term ‘ground’ is relative, but you understand).

We have left most of the prior security measures in place after realizing that being far above ground greatly increase the risk for our guests. Please be respectful of the authorities to help ensure that all of us have a safe and fun environment!

Bank of the Prophet

Did you forget to offload your valuables before you left the surface?

No worries!

The Bank of the Prophet has enough room to store your entire collection of antique crystal Vigor bottles, your platinum Skyhook and your fleet of gold-plated zeppelins if you accidentally brought them!

Songbird

The myth that hovers around the Order of the Raven, the Songbird is the ultimate line of defense against those that would actively fight the ideals of the Prophet.

Note: This is NOT an active security measure that we employ. We have not seen or heard anyone mention an actual sighting of the Songbird.

Boy of Silence

These ever-watchful alarm drones were used to guard the inner halls of the Comstock House. They were initially programmed to detect even the slightest movements in order to discover the whereabouts of an individual labeled ‘The False Shepherd’.

These are now used to prevent squatters from staying in our suites for free.

Handyman

Once very misunderstood and abused under the reign of the Prophet, these mighty brutes are used to maintain the buildings, pipes and electrical conduits in the hard-to-reach areas of Columbia.

Motorized Patriot

These heroic figures of justice leftover from the war stand guard on a majority of the islands, ensuring the safety of our guests.

Most of them are inactive now and are only a reminder of what once was.

Fireman

If you see a fire burning anywhere in Columbia, we will send these out to protect our guests and preserve the structure of the city.

There is a rumor going around that they used to start fires. We wish to relay to you that this is nonsense and they fight fire for the people. Our research has proven that the individual dubbed ‘The False Prophet’ started the great fires of Columbia.