Why Winnie the Pooh reminds me to overcome my impostor syndrome.
This was a hard week. I can’t explain it. I still don’t understand why. Though I think I had one of the worst cases of impostor syndrome I have had in years.
The moral of the week was typical. I had really high expectations for myself, I doubted my abilities too often, I started to care what others thought, and I questioned my differences. And I worried, a lot. Mostly about things beyond my control.
Look, we are human. We all have these days, these weeks, these months, and sometimes even these years. But what matters, is that we brush of the dust, pick ourselves back up again, and remind ourselves that somewhere perception and reality lies the truth, and we need to become more flexible and move closer toward it.
I cannot promise that I will never worry again. I cannot promise that I will not at times doubt myself — especially when being stretched to limits I have yet to explore.
Part of the problem, is that we all compare ourselves to one another. I became guilty of this over the course of the week. Working on a unit testing project for research, I started to wonder why a particular task was so difficult. Was I not good enough to complete it? Was I being ridiculous? Was I doing it wrong? And then I started to think about all of the people whom could probably do this better.
But then I remembered, even if no one is there in my small corner of the room coding. Even if I feel alone, scared, even terrified about what the future might hold, Winnie the Pooh arrives:
“Promise me, you’ll always remember, you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think” (A.A. Milne)
And then I remember, this is supposed to be hard. I didn’t pick the easy road. Thats far too boring. I wanted the hard stuff. This is what I dream of. When I am challenged and questioned, I get better at what I do. I am excited, and I am actually happier.
Its hard. You need to constantly remind yourself of who you envision yourself to be. Whats important to you. What matters most. For me, I make a list:
- Becoming a good person
- Doing science, relentlessly, and loving it
- Solving the hard problems
- Never being afraid to get excited and be myself
Its hard. its really hard. And its easy to loose your way when everyone around you is questioning your basic reasoning,.
In weeks like this, you just have to remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
And sometimes, it is enough to remember that you are not an impostor. And maybe, just maybe, you are enough to achieve your dreams.
