A Village in New York
And the problem with my car
One time I decided that I had had enough. We all have, I guess. Why, just the other day, I turned on the news and discovered that time had stopped — yes, really stopped! — but just in one little village in upstate New York.
Well, I thought that was strange, and didn’t really trust it, to be honest with you. I have an old girlfriend who lives there, so I called her.
“Hi, John, are you still up to no good?”
Well, of course I am! “Hi Darlene, is it true that time has stopped for you guys?”
“Sort of. It’s hard to pin down.”
“What’s different? Can you still charge your car?”
“Thankfully, John. My coffee maker still works. I can drive. The grocery store seems unaffected. But…”
“Yes?…”
“There’s no news! There’s no Twitter. No Facebook…”
“You’re lucky.”
“I guess…”
Well, I decided I’d visit. The town seemed normal enough. The birds were singing louder, though, and all night long, too. All kinds of animal calls and indistinct voices were everywhere. It’s like they forgot to hush up and be scared of things, like we are. Or to sleep, either.
But Darlene was right. I tried Google News, CNN, whatever, and all I’d get was “404. Page Not Found.” Hmmm…
She told me that before time decided to stop, there had been a loud hiccup sound all over town, and a really quiet voice said, “I’m sorry. I think there’s been a mistake.”
Wow. This was getting strange.
Darlene and I went out for pizza, and it really did seem normal enough, except everyone was smiling and laughing and hugging each other, all over the place! I tried to tell a cynical John joke, and someone just hugged me anyway.
The pizza was really good, in fact, the best I’ve ever had.
I’ll be honest with you. I didn’t want to leave.
But I did have to be back at work on Monday. So I said goodbye, got in my old Subaru, but this is when the shit really hit the fan (as they say.) I heard a little “Ding!” somewhere when I stepped on the gas, and the whole car just lifted off the ground like Flubber, swung around, and chased a red tailed hawk in the morning sun.
Well, I’m stuck here, I guess. Darlene invited me to go to a nifty theater performance. There’s this guy traveling through, who’s got — I have to admit — a really awesome one guy show, “Chuang Tsu Tonight!” I laughed my ass off. Darlene snuggled close, laughing and crying, one, then the other, over and over.
I turned around to look at the rest of the crowd, just to see what in God’s name they were doing!
OK OK … public sex, kissing, and making really loud noises. This place was weird! But it ain’t just the pizza that’s so good there now -
Everything tastes simply superior. Even the air is different.
I talked to the guy playing Chuang Tsu after the show. “Are you really a butterfly?”
“Maybe, John. Maybe.”
I’d talk more, but Darlene is calling. The coffee’s hot, and she’s made waffles (the best!)
Maybe you should visit, too! Of course (This is how these stories work), I can’t tell you how to get here. We’re definitely not in Kansas. That’s for sure! Maybe not in New York, either. But… If you’ve got a local place that makes Detroit Deep Dish Pizza, just call them up, order the Brooklyn Bridge (pizza, of course!) and when they say “Pickup or delivery?” just say,
“We’re coming in.”
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P.S. — If you don’t know it, there’s a famous story about the Taoist Master, Chuang Tsu. One day he fell asleep in the daytime and dreamt he was a butterfly. When he woke up, he wasn’t sure if he had dreamt he was a butterfly, or the butterfly had dreamt he was Chuang Tsu.
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© “John” Lesly Levin 2021
