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An Ill-Considered Tariff
Well, I realized today that Trump is imposing 225% tariffs on artificial dicks.
I called up Scott Bessent, the Trump Administration’s Treasury Secretary, to find out what’s going on.
“Hi John!” Scott answered the phone himself. I was a bit surprised as I thought we weren’t on speaking terms anymore.
“Scott, I really do want to apologize for not getting you that date with Taylor Swift like I promised,” I told him.
“It’s OK, John, shit happens.”
“I’ll say, Scott! So what’s up with the artificial dick tariffs? I thought they were exempt,” I so curiously asked.
“It’s RFK Jr. He wants to make sure that they’re not a secret way to sneak vaccines into the country,” he let me know.
“But Scott, dicks are not a good vaccine delivery device. Everybody knows that.”
“Trump doesn't. He bought RFK’s bullshit, hook, line, and dickster.”
“Wow, Scott, but how did Kennedy pull it off?”
“John! John! John!” Scott exclaimed, “Don’t get me started on hedge fund condoms again!”
“Because I said ‘pull it off’?”
“No, John, Trump tried to pull it off, but when he realized the condom wasn’t on an artificial dick, but a giant salami, he flipped out. It…
